-
You can eat dinner at 4:00
-
Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning
to pay off.
-
Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
-
It's harder and harder for sexual harassment charges to stick.
-
People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
-
Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't
remember them either.
-
Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
-
Your eyes won't get much worse.
-
Things you buy now won't wear out.
-
No one expects you to run into a burning building.
-
There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
-
Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.
-
In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
-
You can live without sex but not without glasses.
-
Your back goes out more than you do.
-
You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks
into the room.
-
You buy a compass for the dash of your car.
-
Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
-
You sing along with the elevator music.
-
You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.
-
You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
-
You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.
-
You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
-
People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
-
You send money to PBS.
-
You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch
television
-
Your ears are hairier than your head.
-
You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to
someone's lawn.
-
You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
-
You got cable for the weather channel.
-
You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
