In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed
through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on
consumer goods
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On a Sears hairdryer:
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"Do not use while sleeping"
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(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair)
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On a bag of Fritos:
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"You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
Details inside"
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(The shoplifter special)
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On a bar of Dial soap:
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"Directions: Use like regular soap."
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(And that would be how...)
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On some Swann frozen dinners:
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"Serving suggestion: Defrost."
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(But it's just a suggestion)
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On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box):
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"Do not turn upside down."
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(OOpS ---- Too Late!)
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On Marks & Spencer Bread pudding:
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"product will be hot after heating."
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(As night follows the day...)
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On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
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"Do not iron clothes on body."
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(But wouldn't this save even more time?)
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On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine:
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"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after
taking this medication."
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(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction
accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with
head-colds off those forklifts)
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On Nytol Sleep Aid:
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"Warning: May cause drowsiness"
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(One would hope)
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On most brands of Christmas lights:
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"For indoor or outdoor use only"
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(As opposed to what other uses?)
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On a Japanese food processor:
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"Not to be used for the other use"
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(I gotta admit, I'm curious - what other use???)
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On Sainsbury's peanuts:
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"Warning: contains nuts"
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(Talk about a news flash)
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On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
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"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts"
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(Step 3: Fly Delta)
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On a child's Superman costume:
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Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly"
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(I don't blame the company. I blame parents for this one)
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On a Swedish chain saw:
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"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals"
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(Was there a chance of this happening somewhere???)
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