Over the years I have observed many forms of Dom/sub behavior.
Although I have never been known as one to try and categorize
anything or anybody, in the educational spirit of creating
discussion and thought, I wanted to discuss some of my observations.
Hopefully this dissertation will help those new to the lifestyle find
a place for themselves, an area to identify with or explain various
forms of D/s behavior. And for those who are in the lifestyle to just
enjoy the discussion.
I think that Dominants can fall into one of three categories,
with modifications within them. I want to discuss the major categories,
but leave the modifications to your imagination and/or conclusions.
There could even be combinations of types. The types fall into the
categories of Authoritarian, Democratic, and Equalitarian. These
types have their sub counterparts. I will discuss the main characteristics
of these subs and again leave the various modifications thereof up to
your imagination.
Remember, although I may mention some negative things about some
of these categories, these persons and situations must be evaluated
by the quality of the people involved and not by the activities
themselves. Remember that variation is endless. I do not intend to
offend anyone by these generalizations. We all know that there are
exceptions to every rule and that "we" are all
"exceptions."
The Authoritarian Dominant
The Authoritarian Dominant is one who "rules" with the
absolute power, the total control. Makes all decisions, there is no
questioning of what is asked or done. The only recourse the sub may
enjoy is perhaps a safe word or , if allowed, few if any limitations.
These Dom's enjoy the strictest master/slave relationships. They attract
subs who want to be totally controlled. This is the "slave"
submissive. Many of these subs find themselves being considered doormat
types by those who do not understand this form of D/s. (However, it
may attract door-mat type persons and power freak type individuals).
This form may and usually does involve strict total voluntary surrender
either mentally/emotionally and/or physically, and usually through
heavy S/M activities. This is where pushed limits are very much a part
of the activities. Some of the strongest bonds/relationships exist in
these situations. Here is where one can also find the strict 24 hours
a day 7 days a week (24/7) D/s relationships. There are no long
drawn out training sessions to effect certain behaviors as in the
Democratic Domination. Things are just done, no negotiations; limits
are pushed and it is accepted by both. There is a great sense of
closeness and coupling in the uncensored relinquishing of power and
the wielding of absolute control.
They fully understand this concept of D/s and live it strictly
and with elegance. Their implements (toys if you will , but in
this type I don't look upon them as toys - you can be sure that
they are the "real" thing) are highly crafted, sometimes
intricate, wielded proficiently and effectively. The Dominants
are highly skilled in their use. And you might say that the
submissives are highly skilled at receiving the results. These
implements developed by the Authoritarian types are borrowed in
kind and concept by other D/s types. It can be a profound and
sobering experience for some not yet familiar with this type
of domination to witness an Authoritarian scene. You will find
this type referred to as real D/s. and it is "real."
This is what "real" is usually referred to. But D/s
is not only S/M , it encompasses a wide variety of D/s behaviors
and conventions. So real is real for what you are involved in and
not what others do. This "is" real BDSM, have no doubt
about this. It is, however, only one aspect or area of D/s. I think
that here one finds the situation where individuals feel naturally
(born) this way and fall into this easily and with great acceptance
and comfort in spite of outward appearances.
The Democratic Dominant
The Democratic Dominant ( sounds like an oxymoron ) is one who
controls by agreement. Contracts, discussions, limitations,
conditions, safe words, times of day, places where, are all
spelled out or discussed and are strictly followed. Sometimes
in written contracts. Punishments are provided for the enjoyment
of both <wink> when these are not followed; and rewards
are given (I think) when they are followed. Submissives who are
attracted to these situations are those who want the same
agreed conditions, especially the limitations.
They can be called feisty, bad, spoiled, hard to tame, because
they like to challenge the limits/rules -- either because they
want it this way (to have control), or have certain fears. This
can be the game area, where fun supersedes the Dominant/submissive
operative. The Dominant and submissive like the actual and varied
activities and enjoy participating in them.
The submissive probably does not want to actually surrender, but
likes playing as if she is does. These form the least strong
relationships and bonds. This area is where the fun seekers usually
reside, those who do not fully understand or have not fully
experienced what D/s is, and maybe don't want to. Or, frankly,
the inexperienced. The activity or concept of "Topping from
the Bottom" is also found here.
The rules are a guide to those who like this type of interaction,
or a crutch for those who have little or no knowledge of what it
is all about on an intellectual, philosophical and physical level.
"Cookbook" Domming and submitting. Many like this type
of situation since it is a convenient and safe way to play with
D/s (fun) or it makes it easy to feel like they are or are indeed
practicing D/s. This type also serves a very good purpose as a
safe passage to other forms of D/s, or for learning, especially
among those who are doing this for the first time with someone
new, or for the first time ever. After experience with D/s or
experience with that particular person is gained, the "rules
of the road" so to speak become more of an intimated
reaction between the two, and can lead to some very strong and
satisfying D/s relationships.
Some of these types or agreements can be of the 24/7 type, usually
by agreement, but most involve predetermined parameters. This is
the area for those Dominants who like long drawn out training
sessions and submissives who are resistant to certain things
and need to be broken down or want to be broken down repeatedly.
Also, surprisingly, we can find the very S&M orientated
individuals here as well as in the Authoritarian (totalitarian)
types. The individuals are very much into the giving and
receiving pain.
The relationship is formed with what you might say is an
underlying agreement; that is " I like and enjoy giving
you as much pain as I can give and you can stand." --
"You want and enjoy as much pain as I can give and you
can stand." -- "Agreed." -- "So let's be
together." Another democratic agreement made.
The Equalitarian Dominant
The Equalitarian Dominant is one who controls by teaching,
mentoring and leading. This Dominant feels and knows that when
they find a comparable submissive that things will happen as a
progression of the interaction. Usually just a mention or short
learning situation is necessary to obtain a certain interaction.
Both the Dominant and the submissive "get it", need
very little, so called "training" and naturally know
what the other needs after interaction.
This Dominant does not like the situation of constantly repeating
and forcing a particular behavior (submission) to occur. It is
not the activities but the surrender as the result of the Domination
that is the objective and enjoyment. Creativity is an important
part of this situation. These are the more intellectual, into the
philosophy/psychology mechanism of this lifestyle. They understand
the concepts and resultant interactions and can put it into real life.
They do not need many "rules" like the Democratic type,
nor do they like the heavy S/M activities; preferring submission
to occur as a result of an instilled desire in the submissive to
surrender. She "wants" to as a result of the Dominant's
knowledge and skill at Dominating. Sensuousness is the rule and
pain is given and received as a form of sensuous stimulation.
Light pain as opposed to severe. Sensuous torture is a popular
activity in this area.
Both the Dominant and the submissive must be naturally this
way. These are the ones who claim to be born this way, have
always been this way. They fully understand the concept of
D/s - it comes to them naturally and easily. They attract a
submissive who truly and naturally wants to please, and who
will observe and sense what the dominant is communicating;
and be able to translate that into the right thing to do.
The doing or saying without having to be told type. The
submissives beg easily and surrender sweetly. They understand
the concept of respect and surrender and can make it happen after
initial learning with little or no additional instructions. They
embrace the surrender gratefully and lovingly. These individuals
usually form the most intimate of relationships, the closest.
There is not much downside to these relationships, because they
not only grasp the concepts, but can make it happen too; and
their attraction is based on strong mutual respect.
Their strong relationship is not readily apparent to the unobservant,
but they are always subtly in the 24-7 mode. The fact that these
things come forth naturally and without the need for orders or
rules are a great affirmation and source of pride, satisfaction
and loving. Just as the strictness and forbearance without the
need for orders or rules of the Authoritarian/Totalitarian
situation affirms pride, satisfaction and loving.
