Who Are You?

Defining Your Role Within The BDSM Realm

By: Mistress Norische

Throughout our lives we learn what we want and what roles we are comfortable with. Each new thought, new idea, creates a new reality, a place that we feel we fit in, a place that we define... our realm... our world. What role we play in our world is partially based on how we define ourselves the remaining portion is based on how others define us. This article is an attempt to explain the labels we give ourselves as well as those we give others. I honestly do not like the word "label" but in this reference it is the only word that seems appropriate. We label people so that we will know where they fit, what is expected of them, and what behaviors are appropriate or inappropriate when associated with a certain individual. We also label someone to give us a common frame of reference; by this I mean when one is labeled as a Predator then you should know first and foremost not to trust this person, you should also be aware of some behaviors that you may find common in all predators.

There are several labels within the BDSM world, I have listed a few of the more common ones, but by no means is this list complete. Every geographic region has slang terms used for different aspects of this community; also every culture and nationality has words they prefer as well. I hope that this list will give you a better understanding of others and perhaps it may just give you a better understanding of the role you yourself play within your world.

Dominant – An individual that is given the Dominant or Controlling role in a relationship.

Dom – Generally viewed as a male Dominant.

Domme – Generally viewed as a female Dominant.

Fem Dom – Generally viewed as a Dominant that has "feminine" qualities, this term may be used for males or females, although the common form of reference seems to be focused on females.

Master – Dominant male individual in a formal slavery relationship.

Mistress – Dominant female individual in a formal slavery relationship.

Lady – The European basis for Mistress.

Lord – The European basis for Master.

Goddess – This is an individual that feels she should not only be obeyed but worshipped as well, it is common to be required to present your goddess with tributes or gifts to show her how much you value her presence in your life.

Top – The controlling partner during a scene. Not necessarily within a Dominant/submissive situation.

Submissive – One that surrenders control of his or her body and services to another within limits and preset boundaries, this may be part time or a full time commitment.

Slave – One that under contract, relinquishes control to another totally or on a negotiated basis.

Bottom – One that takes the submissive role during a scene, not necessarily in a Dominant/submissive relationship.

Kink Friendly – Not necessarily a participant within the BDSM lifestyle, but not judgmental or bias.

Kinky – Having sexual urges or desires that are outside the standard or acceptable areas to be socially comfortable.

Vanilla – Anyone or anything that is not considered to be in the lifestyle. The standard depiction of socially acceptable behaviors.

Leather Man – Male interested in leather fetish, also may refer to an individual active within the Old Guard or the gay community.

Leather Lady – Female interested in leather fetish, also may refer to an individual active within the Old Guard or the gay community.

Leather Folk – Either males of females active in the leather lifestyle, primarily Old Guard as well as the gay community.

Majordomo - The Dominant individual within a group of submissives, normally this individual will perform both Dominant as well as submissive roles as required by his or her duties.

Dungeon Monitor – This is an individual, normally a Dominant, that will observe the play activities of others and be present if assistance is needed.

Protector – One who is entrusted with the care of another's slave/sub, also one that will take the place of a Master or Mistress at any function that the Master/Mistress cannot attend.

Mentor – A trusted counselor or guide, a tutor or coach, a teacher, advisor, and trainer.

Guardian – Someone that takes legal control over another.

Sadist – One that receives erotic pleasure from inflicting pain, humiliation or domination on another person.

Masochist – One that receives erotic pleasure from the application of pain, humiliation or domination on his or her person.

Dominatrix – One who makes a business of S & M sceneing. Often accepting money and/or gifts for this service.

Pro-Domme – A female Dominatrix, the term Pro refers to Professional, hence one who receives money for services rendered.

Pro-Dom – A male Dominatrix, the term Pro refers to Professional, hence one who receives money for services rendered.

Domina – Female Dominant

Pet – One that is "kept" by a Dominant. Commonly referring to a submissive that is pampered or spoiled.

Pup – A submissive/slave who role plays as a puppy in a fantasy lifestyle

Kitty – A submissive/slave who role plays as a cat/kitten in a fantasy lifestyle

Horse – A submissive/slave who role plays as a horse or pony in a fantasy lifestyle

Baby – A submissive/slave who role plays as an infant or small child in a fantasy lifestyle

Subbie – this is a cutesy term referring to a submissive. This term is usually hated by real life Dominants.

Sub – this is an abbreviation for submissive.

Wannabee – A poseur pretending to be a Dominant or submissive with out the requisite knowledge. The wannabees confuses masturbatory fantasies with real life experience, often with injurious results

Switch – A person who enjoys participating as a Dominant or submissive depending on the moment within a relationship or scene.

Service Oriented Submissive – One who derives pleasure, fulfillment and or satisfaction from performing acts, chores or labor, sexual or otherwise. For the benefit and/or pleasure of a Dominant

Sensation Player – This is an individual that is out to get the higher high, the biggest and best scene, they are individuals that are in constant competition with themselves, waiting for the perfect sensation, the perfect pain, the perfect scene.

Player – This is someone who is not serious about the lifestyle and is just out to get what he or she can, they are basically users with a flair for kink.

Lifestyler – One who feels that he or she lives in a BDSM role 24/7.

Exhibitionist – One that derives pleasure from exposing themselves, or being watched.

Voyeur – One that derives pleasure from watching another individual.

Crossdresser – One that dresses in the clothing of the opposite gender.

Transgender – A person who is born in a physical gender that doesn't match his or her personal psychology.

Transsexual – A person who is born in a physical gender that doesn't match his or her personal psychology. These people are commonly going through gender reassignment by means of counseling, hormone treatments, and perhaps surgery to correct their situation. A transsexual is called a "pre-op" before surgery and a "post-op" after surgery.

Sissy Maid – A male who is required to dress as a female maid, cleaning and serving the Mistress or Master, it is sometimes done as a method of humiliation or degradation.

Transvestite – One that dresses in the clothing of the opposite sex, this is normally done in a very realistic style.

Fetishist – A person who regards an object or body part as sexual, this individual cannot perform sexually without the influence of said fetish.

SAM – Smart Ass Masochist, this is a submissive/bottom who rather than submitting, will challenge or annoy the Dominant in an effort to entice the Dom to punish him or her.

BRAT – A bottom who enjoys struggling against control or challenging the top.

Toy Whore – One who must have the most expensive, newest and best BDSM toys.

Show Piece – An individual that is meant to look good, may not necessarily do anything else... but definitely looks good.

Mundane – Same as Vanilla

Slave – Sex – A slave whose primary focus is on sexual service and pleasure.

Slave – Pleasure – A slave whose primary focus is on doing things that the Master/Mistress finds pleasurable, this may or may not include sexual activity.

Slave – Domestic – A slave whose primary focus is doing household chores, and domestic duties. Cooking, cleaning, and housework are top on this individuals list.

Slave – Working – A slave whose primary focus is based on a occupational function, nurse, personal trainer, accountant, chef, secretary... etc.

Slave – Money – A slave whose primary focus is getting money for his or her Master/Mistress. This may include currency, charge cards, gifts, and expensive toys.

Slave – Toy – A slave whose primary focus is to be a plaything for the Master or Mistress.

Slave – Show Piece – A slave whose primary focus is to look good, this is a slave one would take to social functions, or important events.

Pain Puppy – This is an individual that thrives on pain, they love to challenge themselves to take more, and will test every limit they have.

These definitions are just my opinions, take what you will and leave the rest. If you wish to contact me by email my address is norisch1@mchsi.com or if you wish to read more that I have written you may go to... http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Norisches_Quill/