The ABCs of S&M

Why so many people are playing the pain game

By ELAINE MOYLE -- Toronto Sun

Speculation about the motives behind sadomasochism is as murky as society's perception of this fringe activity.

Even professionals studying bondage and discipline/sadism and masochism (BDSM) offer varied theories about the dynamics of relationships based on one partner relinquishing power and the other seizing control.

The issue has received considerable public attention during the trial of Terri-Jean Bedford, alias Madame de Sade, who fulfilled clients' unconventional fantasies in her Thornhill home.

The case, which centers on the critical issue of whether BDSM acts constitute sex, resumes today.

Roy Baumeister, a professor specializing in the study of self-identity at Cleveland's Case Western Reserve University and an expert witness at the titillating trial, believes the desire to assume a submissive demeanor stems from a need to temporarily escape everyday life.

"Our western society is so stressful that it's difficult to endure it all the time," says Baumeister. "By surrendering control, they (BDSM participants) forget who they are."

Like a narcotic, pain acts as a distraction from an individual's identity and problems, adds the social psychologist.

After poring over published studies and written personal fantasies (primarily gleaned from Penthouse Variations magazine), he pieced together patterns of behavior published in his book Masochism And The Self.

'Lively imagination'

Those who engage in BDSM are stereotypically "highly successful, responsible, busy people," says Baumeister. "A lively imagination is a prerequisite due to the nature of the activity."

Data is sketchy on the number of people practicing BDSM because government grant money is not made readily available to research projects probing this unorthodox practice.

"It's a relatively uncommon phenomenon," Baumeister concludes. "More people fantasize about it than actually do it. Men are more likely to act on it than women."

One Toronto dominatrix agrees.

"Most of the men I see are professionals between the ages of 30 and 50," she says. "They're into humiliation, bondage, spanking, verbal abuse, being urinated upon and fulfilling their fetishes with acts like boot licking.

"I get a sense of gratification from doing it. It's a rush because I'm living my own fantasy."

Shannon Bell, a professor of political science at York University specializing in sex and philosophy, says the essence of sado-masochism is the mental or spiritual charge gained from games that involve relinquishing or taking power.

Bell, who also took the stand as an expert witness during the Bedford trial, has extensively explored sexual taboos in her work by attending public fetish nights, working as a private dominatrix and as a customer.

"It's much bigger than having an orgasm, it's about working your mind," she said in the Newmarket courtroom. She compares the stimulation during sado-masochism to the high a person receives during a meditation or aerobic workout.

"People derive an erotic charge from straying into areas of power that most don't have access to," Bell added.

But doctor and psychologist Charles Moser, considered a leading BDSM researcher, is exasperated by the amount of misinformation he believes is swirling around the issue.

"There is no data to support men tend to act on their fantasies more than women," Moser tells The Sun from his private practice in San Francisco. "There are a significant number of women involved in sadism and masochism (S&M), changing the implication that most sexual variations are predominantly done by men. Heterosexuality, homosexuality and S&M are practiced by equal numbers of women and men."

Each gender, he adds, tends to have both dominant and submissive interests.

Popular pastime

Moser estimates between 5% and 50% of the population engages in some form of BDSM. The higher number reflects those who enjoy being bitten and "receiving hickeys during sex," he says. The 5% statistic reflects those who view pain as eroticism.

Moser adamantly states there's no evidence to support the theory that BDSM is an escape route from reality.

"There is no scientific study showing people who practice S&M behavior are any different than anybody else except that they practice S&M behavior," he says.

S&M advocate Molly Devon, co-author of Screw The Roses, Send Me The Thorns (Mystic Rose Books), agrees.

"These tendencies are in all of us, only to different degrees," she says, adding that society has traditionally typecast male behavior as dominant and female as submissive.

"People who are drawn to this lifestyle in these roles can indulge their activities easier in society," Devon says. "Generally speaking, male submissives aren't generally accepted by women, so they have to actively seek out female dominants by dressing up in leather and seeking out clubs. The same principle applies to aggressive females -- most men tend to shy away from women who want to be in the drivers' seat."

Labeling submissive men as non-masculine is "unfair," she adds. "They simply have a different set of fantasies and needs."

Devon is unable to specifically explain why some males have submissive tendencies, saying the reasons are as varied as the people themselves.

"It was traditionally believed they came from homes with strong mothers and weak fathers," explains the Connecticut-based author. "Back in the days before homosexual men were unstigmatized, the same scenario was assumed. I don't believe it's an abnormal activity, nor that it stems from great childhood trauma."

Devon believes BDSM is becoming more prominent.

"People who have practiced it are coming out of the closet and those who fantasize about it are starting to live it," she says.

"S&M is losing its stigma and information is becoming far more accessible through the Internet. Celebrities like Madonna are definitely playing with it and the kids' punk lifestyles reflect its elements."

But one of the biggest factors, insists Devon, is the fear of AIDS now associated with genital sex.

"People who want to spice up their sexuality aren't swinging (seeking alternate partners) anymore. Instead, they're turning to BDSM.

"You don't get AIDS and venereal disease from being tied up."

-- With files from CP

This article first appeared on July 31, 1998.