Self-esteem

By Unknown

Do you like what you see in the mirror?

Is it a face you can trust?

Self-esteem is important to both Dominant and Submissive. Shakespeare wrote to thine own self be true. This is a simple statement that will spark a host of reactions.

Some people know themselves very well while others may not trust their own judgment. Yet some others will invest themselves solely on the opinion of what those around them are saying.

Building your self-esteem is important. You do it in baby steps.

Step 1 Acceptance

The first step in acceptance, you accept the fact you don’t like who, what or where you are in life. Own up to your mistakes and take pleasure in the things you have accomplished. In this acceptance of one’s self you are empowering yourself for the task ahead.

Someone once wrote acceptance was the key to all his problems. Once he had accepted his Alcoholism he could accept the changes that were needed.

In building or rebuilding self-esteem we must embrace who we are and realize that the Gods or God did not make junk. Simply put we must realize we belong. And only the arrogant will tell us we don’t belong. We must learn how to tune out the negative voices and tune in the positive ones. And the way to determine what s negative and what is positive is this. Ask your self this question is what they are saying good for me or good for them?

Step 2 Construction:

Once we have taken the step we begin construction of the person. This finding the wisdom to accept the things you cannot change but more important changing the things we can.

It is a myth that we can change those around us. And in D/s that myth is compounded by power exchange. For example the Master may order his slave to quit smoking. (I have never smoked). What I understand that smoking is a very powerful addiction. And from listing to both smokers who have quit and can’t quit. They all have one thing in common the desire to quit. So no matter how "Powerful" the Master says he/she is the slave can’t quit unless the slave has the desire to quit.

Now we realize we can’t change others no more then we can change the weather. But like the weather if we don’t like it we can change where we are. My point is this if the friends you have are having a bad influence on your construction then you change the friends. I have found from my own personal experience when you decide to embark on this path of self-discovery there are a lot of people who will "Tell YOU" how you should be. Listen to them but not everyone knows what is right for you. This is your journey you have the power to decide on the changes you wish to make.

Step 3 Setting goals

A good way to destroy your self-esteem is to set goals you cannot possibly obtain. Set small goals small steps. A good example of this is the dieter. Changing one’s diet in one step can cause problems. Most successful dieters take small steps.

The same applies with setting goals to build your self-esteem. My hair is gray and I have a host of friends that like the gray. However I don’t like the gray. I feel better about my self if I am not gray. So I dye the hair. A friend may not like the dyed hair but if truly a friend then it won’t matter.

As you achieve each small goal set large ones. And a byproduct of this achievement will be you will find more and more confidence in yourself. And when you don’t achieve your small goal sit down and look at why. But don’t assign blame, not on yourself or others. Just simply look for the reason. Some things just happen and it is not in our power to change it. One the things that will damage your growth in self-acceptance and self-esteem is blaming yourself for your failure. This is not an excuse for adverting the acceptance of responsibility. We should always be responsible for our actions. However we do not need to punish ourselves for our mistakes. We should learn from those mistakes.

Step 4 Doing what you like:

Realize there is nothing wrong with doing what you like just cause no harm to others. For example I enjoy my stakes on the rare side. If I order the stake and it is presented on the well side I have a choice. I can accept what was given or I can send it back and get what I ordered.

I do not have the arrogance to say everything in life happens for a reason, nor do I believe that everything is random. However I do believe what is important is the choice we make when it happens. Remember the choices we make will dictate the life we lead. So we need to learn to make good choices and be happy in what we do.

Step 5 The Path

We must find our own path. This sounds simple but many on the path will tell you it is not. The path of self-discovery or paths to Enlightenment can me elusive. When we seek it some times we will not find it. Or we don’t seek and the path will appear.

That is why it is impotent to know your self. Know what you find acceptable and what you will not acceptable. Often the answers we seek are with in our own hearts. Remember Oz did not give the "tin man" anything he did not already have.

Some tip on finding your path. Meditation, don’t pray just be. Next educate your self, if you say, "I am Submissive" know what that means to you, not what it means to others but to yourself.  Find the support of others of like mind. Last is an old hippy expression, "grow where you are planted"

I hope this will enlighten someone.