Abuse is very real and more common in the BDSM lifestyle than we admit.

By lilpetBrat 2001

Abuse can be physical, emotional, mental, sexual and financial. Abuse takes place regardless of socio-economic status, gender, race, religion, sexual orientation, etc. The abuser can be male or female. The abuser can claim to be either a Dominant or a submissive.

Below is the definition of abuse. In short, abuse is to wrongfully or harmfully injure another, to insult, humiliate or put another down and to deceive by lies.

a·buse ( /ə/ -by z/)
v. tr. a·bused, a·bus·ing, a·bus·es.

1. To use wrongly or improperly; misuse.
2. To hurt or injure by maltreatment; ill-use.
3. To assail with contemptuous, coarse, or insulting words; revile.
4. Obsolete. To deceive or trick.

Synonyms: abuse, misuse, mistreat, ill-treat, maltreat.

These verbs mean to treat a person or thing wrongfully, incorrectly, or harmfully. Abuse applies to injurious, improper, or unreasonable treatment.

Throughout this article the same terms we use in the BDSM lifestyle are used to describe abuse and someone with an abusive personality. All information can be found on any web site, book, pamphlet, etc. regarding abuse. There is a big difference between a D/s relationship and an abusive relationship. Unfortunately, some of the respected members in our community are the abusers. Also, we are told we should not speak out or to do so quietly as not to offend anyone. I choose to be different. I have been threatened, if I speak out or speak the truth to anyone. I refuse to sit back and remain the victim any longer. As my first ex-husband told me a long time ago, "I got off the highway with the rest of the crowd, grabbed a machete and created my own path".

I hope to help others who are in abusive situations. My biggest wish is the abusers may see themselves and get the help they need. They are hurting themselves, the people who care about them, their families and teaching their children to continue the cycle.

written by lilpetBrat 2001