Pansexuality And Separatism

by Laura Goodwin

People have the right to discriminate when making personal decisions. You have the right to have sex only with people who turn you on, provided they want you back and are adult enough to make that decision responsibly. I don't care which filter you use.

Separatists have the right to be separatists. If Lesbians want a Lesbian-only party, and if it's their party, they can invite who they want. If it's my party and I invite both Lesbians and non-Lesbians, and some of the Lesbians are separatists who say, "We're not comin' unless you set aside a Lesbian-only space", I'd say, "It's my party, and I love ya, but everybody is supposed to be getting together, not staying separate. If you can't bring yourself to do that, then stay home."

I'm pansexual. At a "pansexual" event, I want pansexuality reflected everywhere, the way a Gay man going to a Gay event wants to see Gayness everywhere. Pansexuality and separatism are incompatible philosophies. If a Gay man goes to the official "Gay" sex party at the Gay weekend and it's the only place where heterosexuals, men and women, are running around, he's going to naturally be upset! "What's this!?" he'll cry, and he'll have my sympathy.

If I go to the pansexual BDSM convention, and if at the "pansexual" convention dungeon party I find all kinds of anti-pansexuals running around, acting tense and pissed off around the people they don't like, then I feel ripped off. It's a big bring down. "What's this!?" I cry. "What are all these anti-pansexual separatists doing here, acting all tense and pissed off? Why do I have to put up with them spoiling the fun at a pansexual party?"

Now, if I'm told ahead of time that it's a everybody-come BDSM convention with a segregated dungeon, and over here is the pansexual dungeon, and over there is the Lesbian-separatist's dungeon, and over that way is the all-women and female-identified-persons-of-any-gender-lesbian dungeon, and up the hall is the femdom dungeon, and the whole west wing is the masculine-men-only dungeon, then I'd know what I'm up against, and would probably be OK with it.

I guess what I'm trying to say is I don't like people being too casual with that pansexual word. Pansexuals honor all sexes and all safe-sane-consensual expressions of adult sexuality, like any enlightened person would, but there's more to it. A pansexual space should include everybody in ONE SPACE, but only if they are pansexuals too.

You can be a Gay pansexual who only has sex with other Gays, but who is comfortable socializing and playing in mixed space, perhaps even with non-gay playmates. Pansexual is not the same as bisexual. There are pansexuals of every orientation. Pansexuals might have only one person or one type of person that they would have sex with, but they are likely to be comfortable playing with a wider range of people. Pansexuals can be heterosexuals who play with any consenting person of any sex, without necessarily having sex with them. BDSM doesn't have to lead directly to sex. Lots of people have realized that BDSM and sex are separable. Lots of people can enjoy intense S/M with any willing person in a mixed social situation, and have sex with their preferred partner later.

I am bisexual because I will have sex with a man or a woman, if we love each other. I'm pansexual because I love to party with all kinds of people who are all playing together in the same place, respecting and appreciating each other's different scenes. That all scenes and types of people are represented is important. The pansexual sentiment needs to have many different people represented, and we are united in one spirit as well as by geography. Just taking up space in the same general vicinity is not all there is to it. It's like a religion, where part of the sacrament is adoring the many different ways sex finds expression. A pansexual event needs the many different sexualities represented but you also all have to be united by the ~one spirit~.

A separatist is not united with us all in the ~one spirit~. They *don't* adore the many forms of sexuality and *don't* want to be forced to confront them. That's fine. I don't think we should force them! It's wrong to intrude on their separate space! I agree that they should have their own place and that we should let them alone! JUST NOT AT A PANSEXUAL PARTY.

There's nothing wrong with being a Baptist, but there is something wrong if you try to Bar Mitzvah a Baptist. Why would cat lovers go out of their way to enter dogs in the cat show? Separatists don't belong at Pansexual events because they have a conflicting philosophy.

"But Laura, what if my pansexuality is so advanced that I believe in providing even for people who aren't pansexual with separate space at my party?"

Fine, just warn me if you are going to do that so I can stay away! LOL Those people really bug me! ;)

This essay and all site contents Copyright L. Goodwin 1990 -2001