Age Play with Claudia

July 1999

Claudia says: I'd like to start out by saying that age play is NOT pedophilia. It's not even close. Pedophilia occurs when a person finds an actual child/adolescent sexually attractive. Age play occurs between two consenting adults, one of whom takes on the role of a child, and the other takes on the role of a caretaker. There are many variations to each role... what age the submissive will play, what kind of caretaker the dominant will be (parent, teacher, aunt uncle) the list goes on and on.

nethacker asks: I don't think that's quite necessary, is it? I mean, one can age play and neither play the age of a child.

Claudia says: Both partners can also agree to play children. <nods> That's also common.

(nethacker nods)

Claudia says: You have two children playing "doctor" together, for example. But, the gist of it is, you are eroticizing some aspect of childhood. When a person enjoys playing the role of an infant (infantilism) he/she may crave to be cuddled, cared for... Those who play older children usually enjoy more playful and lighthearted scenes. For example, playing in the backyard with Daddy... and perhaps "accidentally" finding Daddy's genitals, asking questions and exploring after. Adolescents often are discovering their sexuality, and want to explore, Claudia smiles personally, my favorite is the naughty girl fantasy, I get spanked then. <grins> (nethacker grins) taken grins in recognition of a mutual fantasy, there.

Claudia says: There are a few things you need to be aware of before you engage in an age play scene though. You should know if the sub was abused as a child for one. That's not to say that you cant engage in this type of scene if he/she was, but you need to be more alert in that case. If the sub was verbally abused growing up, saying "you are such a bad girl" can be a huge trigger, and emotionally crush your sub. bad thing.

nethacker asks: That's not the result of a scientific study, but an observation based on a nontrivial amount of experience. :)

(Claudia nods to nethacker) I've found about an equal number of abused and non abused subs engaging. Some subs I know who were, cant stand the thought of age play. Be prepared, when you engage in age play to trip up on a psychological limit that neither of you knew was there. Often when the sub regresses to an earlier age, he/she becomes child like... they think like a child and can react like a child would. It's a HUGE head trip for me personally, but it also leaves you really vulnerable to unintentional psychological damage from the Dom/me. (nethacker nods) (Yet Another Reason(tm) why it's a good idea to know someone before heavy sceneing.)

nethacker asks: But isn't that the case anyway, though?

(Claudia nods to nethacker) exactly. BUT, even if you and your partner have been together for 50 years, if this is the first time you engage in such a scene, unexpected pitfalls can creep up.

nethacker asks: That's the nature of a D/s relationship; you must have trust because the potential for damage is incredible. (Claudia nods) It is, its just different than in other forms of play. With age play, you can trust the doom implicitly, and the doom can be and the best doom on earth, and you can have negotiated till you are blue in the face and STILL, something can creep up.

Claudia says: Speaking for myself, when I regress, I don't think of me having a safe word. I BECOME that age. Ten year olds don't call out a safe word and suddenly become 21 again <grins> That's why this type of scene should NOT be the first thing you do with a new partner. If you were abused as a child, and have these fantasies, be SURE you communicate with your partner. Tell him/her, look, I was seriously emotionally abused by my parents. But even if you weren't, be sure you are comfortable enough with your partner, that he/she can read your nonverbal cues. Just in CASE you are in serious trouble, but are so deep in the regression, you cant safe word. Often, the times I've done age play, the doom has asked me several times, what my safe word is. just to be on the safe side. It takes a little of the reality out of the scene, but better safe than sorry.

Guess says: You can also work the safe word into play

Claudia asks: I'm not sure what you mean Guess, can you explain?

Guess says: Well like say father daughter age play (Claudia nods) The father asks the daughter every so often, Now what a daddy's little girls favorite toy or game or something taken says: Daddy can teach the little girl a special word to say when she's feeling very badly about herself... (Claudia nods) and the safe word can be her answer every time.

taken says: Good idea, Guess.

Claudia says: those are both great ideas. (nethacker nods) Another point to keep in mind is that age play is NOT therapy. If you were abused as a child, and have serious psychological problems as a result, an age play scene is not the place to try to work out those issues. In a best case scenario, the scene just wont work. In a worst case scenario, you could end up doing more damage.

LaLaura says: Claudia, respectfully, I disagree

Claudia asks: Why is that LaLaura?

LaLaura says: Claudia, many reasons, but I just got here so I'll shut up for now.

Guess asks: What if it were monitored by a professional therapist?

(Claudia smiles): Its not a problem

Guess says: Maybe role-play like that for the actual therapist could be good. Have to find a therapist who would help but its a thought?

(Claudia nods to Guess): That might work. I say it is not mostly from my background in psychology, as well as from people I have met who have been hurt in age play scenes because they tried to work out psychological trauma there. Actually, many therapists DO role-play for such things, but its not done in an erotic context.

Guess says: That's why if someone wants to do it I a scene a professional should be there to monitor. (Guess nods)

LaLaura says: Guess, I don't get that logic... help me out

Claudia says: An example I saw once, a woman had been sexually abused as a child. Her partner had age play fantasies, and asked her to try it once, saying that he would be there to help her, and that it might help her get over some of the trauma. So she agreed... and somewhere in the middle of the scene, all that trauma came back, but at that point, she had regressed so deeply, she couldn't explain what was wrong... it was very messy.

Guess says: Well some people may feel safer in a scene with someone they love but that person isn't capable of handling trauma so the therapist is there as a precaution.

Claudia says to Guess: Are you saying, have a therapist watch an age play scene in progress?

Guess says: Only if its for the purpose of healing. If that makes the victim more comfortable. The more comfortable a person is I would think the easier they would have of releasing the problem. I could be wrong

LaLaura says: I want to volunteer a comment RE: abused people as adults... Abused-as-kids folks sometimes don't realize that much anxiety they feel is common and normal. (Claudia nods) Your history is not all of you.

Claudia says: But, when I say that a scene isn't the place for therapy, I mean with people who are seriously psychologically damaged. (Guess nods)

LaLaura says: Claudia, I agree, but it isn't for laypeople to decide what is seriously damaged. Even the experts disagree about the "damage" from childhood traumas. I saw an incredible statistical study recently... Most male children didn't feel "damaged" by early sex exploits, and only half the females did. What's really interesting is: most people were effective adults, "damaged" or not!

taken says: Caution and forethought are always warranted, however. It never hurts to think about what possible consequences and "what ifs". In my humble opinion, that's what a Dom/me is doing all the time. S/He should be "super-aware" of it, even when focusing on something else.

Claudia says: You're right its not. But most lay people can determine what is an excessive amount of trauma. (Claudia nods to taken) Exactly. If you are doing a regression scene, and feel like the sub is having some serious problems, its best to stop the scene immediately, and talk about it.

Claudia says to LaLaura: I'm not talking about early sexual exploits, I'm talking about abuse. there is a HUGE difference between having sex at 13 with your boyfriend, and being repeatedly raped by your father/teacher/uncle or whoever while you were a child. That's what I was talking about here.

LaLaura says: Claudia, I know. But the study took those variations into account

Claudia says: But I digress, if the Dom/me notices something going wrong, even if he/she only thinks he notices it, then the safest course is to stop the scene, help the sub come back, and discuss it (Guess nods)

LaLaura says: Abused or not, chances are you will not be irreparably damaged by childhood experiences.

Claudia says: That's not the point LaLaura, all I'm saying is that this is not therapy. Therapy should never be completed in an erotic context.

taken says: Go ahead, Claudia =)

LaLaura says: I personally have met hundreds of abused people over the years. You know what? They most often *like* recreating the abuse scenario! That's a fact! It's a pity that people's tastes can be solidified in such a way, but once it's done, what can you do?

kiro says: People can learn how to want, so that they can alter their own destiny

LaLaura says: kiro, sure, but that does take help and self-discipline. Age play IS better than therapy, for some people.

kiro says: Self discipline is the key, and effort as well.

LaLaura exclaims: My hubby is into sucking my tits, forced feeding, and diapers, among other things... who knows why!? My elder brother used to sexually harass me. I hated it then, but jerk off to thoughts of it now. Who knows why!?

kiro asks: why bother asking why?

Claudia says: Okay, those are my two major caveats to be aware of. What I wanted to discuss next was possible scenarios. Claudia grins, let our imaginations run wild, and maybe get a few new ideas to try in the future. So feel free to throw out ideas. taken sits up and pays attention ;)

taken exclaims: Shopping!!! Shopping is fun! I recently took a lover shopping at the grocery store... Because, of course, we needed groceries... but we spent an extra-long amount of time in the baby needs aisle...What did other people know but that we were married and had a child at home? I bought a pacifier, bottles, baby food, wet wipes, etc... (taken grins) he had a raging hard-on, knowing it was for him...

(Claudia grins): Sounds delicious!

taken says: And... as I spent quite a bit more time than he would have liked... he got a little fussy ;)

(Claudia grins): Getting in role at the store, how impatient! he... he...

taken says: I told him if he couldn't behave, I was going to take him out into the parking lot, around the corner, and spank him. (And of course, I would have done it, too. Never threaten without being prepared to follow through) Anyway, he settled down ;)

(Claudia giggles at taken): sounds wonderful! You are fortunate to live in a community where you wouldn't be arrested or something for doing that. (Claudia winks)

taken says: I don't... I was visiting him ;) Hahaha. (Claudia laughs)

Claudia says: A scene I saw once, which looked very interesting, was two "children" playing together. The Domme took on the role of the schoolyard bully, and basically ganged up on the sub. But, as children are naturally some more aggressive than others, it was realistic, and the two people appeared to be having a blast.

(Claudia looks around) Anybody else have any interesting scenarios they want to share? Or questions or comments?

nethacker asks: There is the accidental discovery of one's aunt. :)

(Claudia grins at nethacker) explain?

nethacker asks: When I was about 13, I was staying with my aunt. We were getting ready to go someplace. I had to shower and get dressed... as I was dressing, my aunt showered. Whilst I was putting on my necktie, I was walking around and happened upon her, completely nude, brushing her hair breasts swinging freely... rather a nice image. :) (Claudia grins)

taken says: Discovery scenes are fun =)

nethacker asks: Especially if the discovered is doing something more naughty. ;)

LaLaura asks: Isn't it true that the role of the dominant is similar to the role of the parent or guardian? You are in charge: responsible... the adult who shows the way.

Claudia chuckles and nods: A favorite of mine is being caught masturbating (Claudia nods to LaLaura) generally, yes. (taken nods enthusiastically at LaLaura)

nethacker asks: Not always.

nethacker asks: I am typically much younger, but dominant anyway.

Claudia says: Sometimes though, that can vary, the dominant can play the child... for example, a teenager who bully's a teacher into giving him/her an A.

kiro says: I can remember being discovered by my brother trying out my sister's panties :)

LaLaura asks: Ever see that movie Bob Flanagan, supermasochist? His wish was for his Domme to be a "mean mommy"

taken says: But I think the ROLE is similar... the Dom/me is in charge (no matter what your actual age difference is)

(Claudia nods): Exactly.

kiro says: yes, I agree with that

nethacker asks: Oh, yes, of course.

LaLaura says: I agree, though, some Doms are really bratty big kids ;)

Claudia says: Unless the sub is topping from the bottom, but that's a whole different can of worms. (taken laughing out loud)

(Claudia grins at LaLaura) Of course, you get to spank bratty kids

nethacker asks: hehehehe

LaLaura says: I have seen many real life parents who are dominated by their offspring

Claudia says: True, but then again, real life parents shouldn't be eroticizing their offspring either <winks>

taken says: I think it could be fun to actually do a "topping from bottom" scene that fails, such as the bratty kid that needs a spanking, but turns it around on the (sub) teacher.

LaLaura exclaims: That's just it! You CAN eroticize it in age play! :) (nethacker grins)

taken exclaims: The variations are endless!

kiro asks: Isn't BDSM play adults playing like kids a regressive activity?

(Claudia nods to taken): I've actually done that myself. I was the teacher, and my Dom at the time was the student... and I failed him on a test or something, and kept him after school to talk about it... ended up with me getting spanked for failing him. Claudia grins

taken asks: I have a couple of thoughts to end (since we're close to our closing time), if that's OK, Claudia?

(Claudia nods to LaLaura): yup, exactly! (nethacker smiles)

(Claudia grins at kiro): Yup, it is. Called either regression scenes, or age play. Sure, go ahead taken

LaLaura exclaims: kiro, why do we call it PLAY!? ;)

taken says: Ideas for finishing a scene... after play can be a great bonding time... (Claudia nods)

taken says: Powdering the baby, combing the little girl's hair, big bear hugs, whatever...

LaLaura exclaims: Let's play house, let's play dungeon, let's play prisoner of war! ;) Cowboys and Indians, Cops and Robbers...

kiro asks: Could such play be made real?

(Claudia nods to kiro): It can be made as real as both partners are willing to make it.

taken says: It's also giving the sub a chance to "come back" to his/her real age slowly... I hate quick transitions from being a little girl to having to be an adult. These tender little activities give me time to come back from where I've been. So, in short: a routine way of ending the scene and transitioning is generally appreciated by the sub, and can include ways of caring for the sub, or quiet activities. nethacker nods.

Claudia nods to taken: No kidding. Actually, its really hard for me to come right back afterwards.

LaLaura exclaims: I love being the mommy! :) Sometimes I'm a mean mommy

nethacker asks: I like turning the tables on meanies. ;)

Claudia says: We have some excellent rooms here for age play scenes in fact... the playground, the classroom...

kiro asks: When it becomes real it can become a 24/7 thing?

(Claudia says to kiro): If both partners are willing, I don't see why not.

LaLaura says: My hubby and I switch from play-mind to day-mind in 2.5 seconds

Claudia says: Okay, folks, we're out of time. BUT y'all are most welcome to stay for cookies and milk and continue to talk casually. Claudia puts out the snacks, being sure to include milk in bottles and sippee cups also.

taken exclaims: Thanks for the discussion, Claudia!!!

LaLaura says: Thanks Claudia, all.

(Claudia smiles): It was fun, and thank y'all for coming! (kiro bows to Claudia)

nethacker asks: Likewise.

Claudia exclaims: I hope we all learned something useful to go try!