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Take everything out of your profile [or internet logon ID]
that could allow someone to contact you in real life. This
includes your real name, your real location, any school
references, etc. Some people can be very resourceful with
very little information.
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Do not give out your full name, phone number, or real
address to someone until you can get at least three
positive references for that person. Try to seek them
independently, ask around.
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Also, past subs are often good people to talk to
concerning a Dom. If you get a bad recommendation,
consider it seriously and pursue even more references.
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Look for another sub to help mentor you. A sub
understands a lot of what you are going through
and has no hidden motives (e.g., s/he isn't going
to try to seduce you.)
Many Doms are more than willing to befriend you because
they know that is how to get to a sub -- if he befriends
you, you feel obligated...
If you do not already have it, contact someone to get
the D/s information packet that has been put together
for people new to the scene. It has a variety of
resources and is an excellent way to get started
(groups on line, reading material list, etc.) We
didn't put this together but either of us would be
happy to send you a copy if you ask for it.
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Do not call someone until you have at least three
positive references for that person. With all the
technology available, it is possible for someone to
get your number if you call them. Don't assume that
you calling them is a safe bet.
A Dom can NOT demand you give him information that you
do not want to give out. Do not be mislead by a Dom who
says you must give him information because he is a Dom
or because you are a sub. A good sub is safe and smart,
not blindly obedient.
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Do not meet someone in real life until you have at
least five positive references for that person. There
is no need to rush into anything. If he is a good Dom,
he will be more than willing to wait till you are sure
of your safety. In fact, he should give you suggestions
on how to insure your safety.
However, you need to be the one to make the
arrangements, such as have a person who knows
where you will be at all times, and a contact
person to call at a preset time during the meeting.
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Always have a first meeting in PUBLIC and preferably
with another person accompanying you. They don't have
to sit at the table with you, but should be near at
hand should something go wrong and/or to walk you to
your car.
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Do not engage in any D/s or sexual activity during
your first meeting. That first meeting should be to
get to know one another, discuss ideas about D/s, set
limits, etc. There is no need to rush into anything. A
good Dom will take the time to get to know you and make
sure there is good communication before any D/s takes
place.
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Above all else GO SLOW AND USE COMMON SENSE!!! D/s
can be obsessively exciting for a new sub and
consequently there is a tendency to think with
something other than your brain. Before you do
ANYTHING, give yourself time to think and be rational.
Submission should be an intelligent choice, not a
sexual frenzy.
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And talk to other subs -- learn from our mistakes,
benefit from our experience; there is no need to
reinvent the wheel.
