The Top 14 Signs It's Way Too Cold Outside

[The Top 5 List TopFive.com
[Copyright 2000 by Chris White]

14. You leave the store with a steaming cup of cappuccino and arrive at your car with a pint of Ben & Jerry's Mocha Madness.

13. Richard Simmons forced to layer two tank tops.

12. Last week, you used your Super Bowl tickets as fireplace kindling.

11. You walk into Starbucks, and a seal with his flippers wrapped around a latte yells at you to "Shut the f-f-friggin' door!!"

10. Your hands are too frozen to type -- but fortunately, the chattering of your teeth deceives your boss.

9. Sperm banks no longer found the only place to find frozen sperm.

8. "Christ, Ms. Zeta-Jones, be careful! You could put an eye out with those things! "

7. Your nuts are freezing -- and you're a woman!

6. Jehovah's Witness at the front door offers to keep his opinions to himself in exchange for 5 minutes in front of your fireplace.

5. John Rocker blames the weather on " those Eskimo bastards. "

4. Alan Keyes condones same-sex cuddling.

3. Linda Tripp's new parts crumble and fall off.

2. The Washington Monument is only 5 feet tall.

and the Number 1 Sign It's Way Too Cold Outside...

1. Cher finally puts on panties.