What is a Swirlie?

Received from Missy on 1-Shadowfind-BDSM

Dear Mistress Dominique,

Recently I went into one of those S&M chat rooms. I don't know why I did it, just curious, I guess. After a while I started chatting with the most adorable man. One thing led to another and soon we were in a private chat room talking about ourselves. He told me that the idea of tying me up and giving me a "swirlie" got him quite excited. I must admit, I do seem to have a thing about bondage, but I don't know what a "swirlie" is. This man wants to meet me at a local restaurant and I'd like to know what I'm getting into before I see him in person.

Confused Gal

Dear Confused,

If you do meet this man in person you're an idiot. This man is obviously dangerously ill and wants to use you for his sick desires. What he wants to do is tie you up, stick your head in a toilet, and flush repeatedly.

This sort of thing used to be all the rage in high schools, but a grown man having such twisted desires is best avoided at all costs. First he'll want the swirlies, then he'll raise the ante and start chasing you around snapping a wet towel at your bottom. Then he'll move on to wedgies, and finally he'll force you to wear a jockstrap coated with Atomic Balm or some similar substance. When he finally flakes out, he'll force you to wear shirts with those "fruitloops" on the back. Sneaking up behind you, he'll tear the fruitloop off, yelling "Ha ha! I got your fruitloop!" Most likely, he'll then start foaming at the mouth and twitching uncontrollably before he lapses into a coma.

Go back to the chat room and find some guy who will tie you up and beat you with a whip, something normal like that. Stay away from loonies and their swirlies.

SINcerely,

Mistress Dominique