The following were taken off of actual police car videos around the
country.
-
"Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch
out after you wear them awhile."
-
"Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate
a worthless document."
-
"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
-
"Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't
know, that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun."
-
"So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I
can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
-
"Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think
it will help. Oh .. did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"
-
"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that
again or I'll give you another ticket."
-
"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk
or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
-
"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go
to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey shit."
-
"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a
toaster oven."
-
"In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
-
"Just how big were those two beers?"
-
"No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas
but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
-
"I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend
of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."
and the best one . . . .
