-
When thou bakes the holiday goodies, thou will treat
thyself to some of the goodly ones and not just to the
slightly burnt ones that ye would be too embarrassed to
giveth unto others.
-
Yea, though ye walk through the mall on December 24th,
ye shall not buy any singing fish, nor any pet rocks, no
matter how desperate thou art to find something for thy
Master's brother.
-
When thy child's school doth gear up for another
fund-raising sale of holiday wrapping paper, think ye
of the thirty-seven unused rolls hiding in your closet
-- and buy another five rolls as thou always dost.
-
When I regift unto you, and it turns out to be something you
gave unto me, lo, these many years ago, just put it away to
give unto me again next year.
Have faith in this most venerable truth: I will never
remember.
-
Ye will not tie onto thy animals reindeer antlers or
bells that doth jingle. Thine slave, however, art fair
game.
-
Thou shalt not partake in the wearing of the matching
Master/slave outfits until someone figures out how to
make either not looketh like a veritable idiot.
-
When thou deck the halls, I say unto you, the tinsel
must be placed one strand at a time. Except when Thine
Master turns his back, then ye may throw it on in clumps
and no shame shall be upon ye.
-
Thou shalt gain weight over the holidays. It is the way
of all flesh. Get thee over it.
-
Verily, verily, I say unto you: No holiday decoration may
be put up sooner than two weeks before the Great Day, and
all must be taken down before the next Thanksgiving. Verily.
-
Thou shalt buy thyself one really great present and open
it up in front of the family, exclaiming, "I love!
it! But there be no card! Who giveth this unto me?"
Wait to see if anyone art sneaky enough to claim
