Thoughts

(perceiving and valuing)

We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.
-The Buddha

Thoughts represent insights, philosophies, ideas, opinions, self-talk and judgments that constitute one’s fundamental values, attitudes, and beliefs. Thoughts are more than the normal thinking we do all the time in our conscious mind. Thoughts often spring from learned attitudes that are deep within our subconscious mind. Life experiences have forged our beliefs and these beliefs must be identified to effect permanent change. Thoughts in the context of this essay mean both conscious and subconscious ideas and beliefs that effect the slave’s emotions and behavior.

The goal of training in this area is to change core beliefs to completely accept slavery. To establish slavery as a basic part of her being and therefore make disobedience an unacceptable option for her. After the slave accepts slavery, the focus changes to developing her into a slave that serves, obeys and pleases her Master. This may mean changing some of her attitudes.

No privacy of thoughts (transparency)

No privacy of thoughts can be tolerated by a slave in training. A slave should be trained to be open (often called transparency) to discussing her beliefs and private logic and feelings. Explaining what is expected of her and positive reinforcement are the best methods of getting a slave to become open. It is a Master's duty to insure that his slave understands that in order for her to be properly trained, she is helpless in keeping her private thoughts and feelings to herself. Questions that are asked by her Master must be answered from her deepest feelings and thoughts. Only by doing so is change possible.

Faulty Cognitions

Communication with her Master is his way of discovering faulty thinking about BDSM, slavery and an hundred other issues during her development. Holding in feeling has no place in slavery. As a slave she grants her Master accesses to her inner thoughts. Practice is often needed to develop this skill.

Faulty thinking has to be recognized and challenged by the Master. Often a slave is unaware of these faulty cognitions until uncovered, discussed and challenged.

Utilizing the "basic mistakes" of Adler, the "irrational beliefs" of Ellis (1973), and the "cognitive deficiencies" of Beck (1970), Kern et al. (1978) compiled the following list of faulty cognitions:

1. Casual Interference. Making an unjustifiable jump in logic by drawing a conclusion from evidence that is either insufficient or actually contrary to the conclusion reached.
2. Blowup. Tending to exaggerate or magnify the meaning of an event out of proportion to the actual situation; generating a general rule from a single incident: ("I made a mess of my relationship with Ellen. I guess you could consider me a real social bust.")
3. All-or-Nothing Thinking. Thinking in extremes; allowing only two possibilities - good or bad, right or wrong, always or never. ("People never have a good time with me.")
4. Responsibility Projection. Failing to assume responsibility for one's emotional state ("This course is causing me to have a nervous breakdown!") or for one's personal worth. ("If my parents had only made me study in high school, I'd have been able to qualify for college.")
5. Perfectionist Thinking. Making idealistic demands on oneself. ("I made a D on that test; I'm so stupid!
6. Value-Tainted Thinking. Couching a statement in such terms as "good," "bad," " worthless," "should," "ought," or "must." ("I must get into medical school or I won't be able to look my father in the eyes.")
7. Self-Depreciation. Focusing on punitive self-statements rather than task orientation. ("I hate myself for not being able to break this habit.")

Correcting Faulty Thinking

Once a slave discovers the illogical aspect of her thinking, she generally is motivated to make changes in her personal private logic that will render it more functional. According to Kern et al. (1978, pp. 21-22), the correction of self-defeating, private logic includes the following steps:

1. Asking the slave to describe only the facts of the actual situation that gave rise to an expression of the faulty thinking ("I made a 78 on my math test ") and to omit the self-defeating statement ("...and I know I'm just going to flunk out of college"). In this way, the reality of the situation is separated from the individual's personal conclusion.
2. Asking the slave to generate alternative explanations for the situation that triggered the illogical conclusion. The student making the 78 on the composition exam could have concluded, "I made a high C when I'm used to making A's, and this discrepancy is disappointing. I guess I'll just have to study much harder if I am to meet my expectations."

   The slave is told to avoid being the direct object or the subject of a passive verb. In the case of responsibility projection, the personal statement is to be reconstructed in such a way that the slave becomes the subject of an active verb. For example, the statement "My roommate makes me so mad when she doesn't hang up her clothes " could become: "When my roommate doesn't hang up her clothes, I become very angry because I'm telling myself that she should meet my expectations and something's wrong with me since I can't get her to do better. Clearly, my roommate is not doing it to me - "I'm doing it to myself!"

3. Asking the slave to design a positive course of action based on the more reasonable of her alterative explanations. This technique is used to assist slaves to recognize the poor fit between many of her fictions and reality and to practice a more responsible kind of self-talk.

Incorrect behavior on the part of your slave is always associated with incorrect thoughts or a lack of attention to correct behavior. At times, the best long term correction of undesirable behavior is to explore the thought process that took place while the incorrect action was occurring. Some of the best questions to ask are:

1. “what are you thinking, right now?”
2. “Where is the evidence that what you think about yourself is true?”
3. “Is your being upset helping you?”

Methods of changing incorrect behavior using logic:

1. REBT**
   "Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), a Therapist Guide", Impact Publishers (1998) Dr. Albert Ellis and Catharine MacLaren, is based on the concept that emotions and behaviors result from cognitive processes and that it is possible for human beings to modify such processes to achieve different ways of feeling and behaving. The most basic premise of REBT is that almost all human emotions and behaviours are the result of what people think, assume or believe (about themselves, other people, and the world in general).
2. Hypnosis
   Often beliefs that are long held can be more effectively addressed through the use of hypnosis. This is not a mind control technique, but is used to assist her Master in exploring the hidden causes of beliefs and bring them to the surface. The beliefs can then be addressed using hypnosis, REBT and secondary B.E.S.T. techniques. Hypnosis can also be used to assist in reinforcing new beliefs, relaxation and stress release.
3. “Choice Decision”
   Choice decision is an adaptation of reality therapy and choice therapy taken from: Reality Therapy In Action by W. Glaser, M.D, (2000), HarperCollins Publishers, New York, NY.

   A slave at some point in training, makes a decision to allow her Master to own her choices. In other words, she makes a "choice decision." He then has the authority to make choices in her life that changes her behavior.

   Part of "choice decision" assumes that a slave will choose to change her behavior when:

   1. her present behavior is not getting her what her Master wants of her because pleasing her master is important to her and
   2. when she believe that the choice of a different behavior will get her closer to the goals set by her Master.

   The major step in reaching a "choice decision" is for a slave to come to terms with and learn to accept that she is a slave. Part of this acceptance of slavery is that her choices in life now belong to her Master. Her only choice becomes obeying her Master. A slave still has influence on the decisions made by her Master and her advice and wisdom may be sought by him but in the final analysis, it is his decision that a slave will follow.

Changing and or reinforcing the slaves thinking about her slavery is more important than teaching her to kneel properly. Full acceptance of slavery can only be achieved by acceptance of it on a cognitive level. We first think, then we feel, then we act. Acceptance on a cognitive level may involve exploring subconscious thoughts and emotions.

Examples of methods used to change or strengthen the cognitive processes:

• Reading Assignments - lifestyle books and publications or web sites
• Correcting Misconceptions - bring to service any mistaken attitudes
• Self-Instruction Training - journal entries or preparing instructions for reaching a goal
• Modeling others in the lifestyle
• Thought Blocking - teaching a slave to identify thoughts and method of blocking unwanted thoughts
• Writing Essays and Research of Subjects
• Hypnosis
• slave Contract – indirectly as a direction to go
• Keeping a Journal - positive progress and negative thoughts and actions
• Discussion (Q&A’s)
• Rewards for Positive Ideas and Thoughts
• Disputing Negative Thoughts
• Teaching - unconditional acceptance
• Encouragement and Punishment
• **Ellis’ A-B-C-D-E Paradigm

Additional information related to thoughts and emotions can be found in the article entitled ATTITUDE.

** REBT was developed by Dr. Albert Ellis and detailed in his many publications of which several are still available. A. Ellis & R. Grieger (Eds) Handbook of Rational-Emotive Therapy, Springer, (1977). Newer books authored in whole or part by Dr. Ellis and others are also good sources of information on RET or REBT.

The major concepts that have been adapted to slave training on this page are derived from:

Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy: A Therapist Guide, A. Ellis, PhD and C. MacLaren, M.S.W. (1998), Impact Publishers, Atascadero, CA.

Reality Therapy In Action, W. Glaser, M.D, (2000), HarperCollins Publishers, New York, NY.

The Practice of Multimodal Therapy: Systematic, Comprehensive, and Effective Psychotherapy, A. A. Lazarus, (1989), The Johns Hopkins University Press, Baltimore MD.