Making a Master/slave Relationship

by Master Ron K.

From The Leather Journal
Issue 62

This article I am going to write about "my style" for making "my" Master/slave relationship work. I use the term "making a Master/slave relationship" mostly because I feel that the process is more than just training a slave, or having a willingness to be a Master or slave. In many respects, it is for me the conscious assumption by two humans of the responsibility for integrating two human personalities into a fully functioning while governed primarily by the Master's wants, needs, and desires. Not everyone I is willing to accept these responsibilities and challenges they can be rather overwhelming at times. No matter how overwhelming the responsibilities or challenges, when you're ready to assume them, the rewards can be glorious.

A special note: when I write "Master", my intent is to describe the Top half of a relationship that is based oil the consensual slavery of one human to another human. The sex and/or gender identification of the Top half can affect the title that applies. I refer exclusively to the Top half or the "Master/Mistress stress" half of the relationship when using the generic description of Master.

What is a Master/slave relationship?
The most common description I have heard of the Master/slave relationship is that it is a relationship where the slave integrates themselves and their behavior into file Master's personality and lifestyle; in effect, forsaking their needs and desires beyond their need and/or desire to serve their Master. Personally, I believe that this description is just it hit too two-dimensional for me and my relationship I say this because I believe it focuses too completely on the role of the relationship and almost completely ignores that there are two humans in the relationship. For me, there are many elements that make up my relationship with my slave, so I am only going to try to discuss a few of the most important ones.

The first and primary element in "our" Master/slave relationship is that we are friends who truly care about each other and each other's needs. This is the "relationship" part of our relationship. In my mind, and as evidenced in my style, I place an extremely high priority on this part of our relationship. My belief is that this solid friendship, based on mutual concern and respect, is the bedrock foundation upon which all the other parts of our relationship are built. As long as we both continue in our commitment to maintain the friendship part of our relationship as our primary concern, I have little doubt that we call face and overcome any and all challenges that we may have in our lives.

The next element of my relationship with my slave is the element that is comprised of our agreed-upon power exchange. The key word in this is "power." To me, it is a bit incongruent to think that a power exchange can occur if the slave has no power to give. I enjoy the rush of having an independent, powerful, intelligent, and a capable human to turn that power over to me to use at my whim. I am not taking anything away from them. I am instead redirecting their power to my purpose. Using another person's power in ways that I choose, which are often not ways that they would choose for themselves, is the power exchange dynamic at its best. In this light, one of' my needs is to find ways for my slaves to maximize their human potential.

If all the slave has as their potential is to stay at home cooking and cleaning for me, then it is my responsibility to ensure that they (to this to the fullest of their ability. If on the other hand, my slave has the potential to he a corporate president, then it is my responsibility to help them find all the tools they need to maximize that potential and do that job to the fullest of their ability. What a slave does for a living is of little importance to me, stay at home or work outside the home, as long as they do it to the best of their abilities, I can be proud of them. The only caveat is that their work must not interfere with the responsibilities I have assigned them in our relationship. The magic is in how one manages the relationship and the power exchange that is constantly flowing.

The next major components in my relationship with my slave are the types of services that they provide to me. A slave can provide many different types of service to their Master. I am a dominant, so my slave is expected to provide services to me that are purely submissive in nature, things like brushing my hair, bathing me, getting me my morning coffee, etc. Having someone do these things for me without having to ask them to is, in and of itself, a major emotional rush. I am also a sadist, so it follows that my slave must be capable of providing me with the service of their body as a receptacle of the pain I enjoy inflicting. Because I am a purist in the areas of dominance and submission, sadism and masochism I expect my slave to experience true sexual and psychological pleasure from their service to me as a submissive and masochist. If they do not, then I am not getting my needs met.

Another component of our Master/slave relationship is that my slave is expected to be my lover. It is my slave's responsibility to keep their body free of any disease or substance that might interfere or detract from my pleasure in using them sexually. Along this line, it is also my responsibility to ensure that their sexual needs are met safety and that they are keeping themselves fit and healthy. The human body is like a good racecar; it needs attention and maintenance to be kept in good running order. I enjoy having sex with someone who has taken good care of' themselves, my property.

Another service that I expect and demand that my slave be intelligent and capable of discussing issues with m as an intelligent partner. An intelligent partner does not bow to my opinion just because it is my opinion, they are capable of expressing their own opinion and discussing it with me. My slave must he capable of giving me emotional support when I need it, which happens to everyone, without feeling like I have asked them to do something out of character/role. A partnership is a two way street, with a lot of give and take. A partnership also requires a lot of mutual respect. I think it is imperative that my slave know and understand that while I may have the right to make the final decisions in our lives, I respect and need to know their opinions and needs. My slave must also completely understand and accept that I consider them to be my equal in these serious discussions and a full partner in my life.

Through all of this, a slave in my household must trust me completely, just as I must trust them. Yes, I said "trust them". Human relationships, regardless of the dynamic that is in place, are built upon trust and communication. My slave must learn to trust me and to communicate their needs to me clearly and without hiding a single piece of information. I must also learn to trust them and their commitment to me, and demonstrate that trust by communicating my needs to them. In a Master/slave relationship there are no substitutes for complete trust and open communication. Frankly, being able to express myself to my friend/lover/slave in a completely uninhibited fashion is quite addictive. It is truly a pleasure to have them share themselves with me fully and to fully share myself with them.

What Master/slave Relationships Are Not
All too often, I see Master/slave couplings that are based almost exclusively on the Master/slave roles with little regard for the underlying human relationship issues. When I see these relationships, I often wonder at the lack of respect that is being shown the slave by the Master. Unfortunately, in these relationships, it often seems as if the Master goes out of their way to strip the slave's human dignity away and leave them completely vulnerable. Personally, I am not at all comfortable with this style, because it so completely ignores the need of the human who is in the slave role as to leave them helpless to function in life without the Master's guidance.

Unfortunately, it is this type of Master/slave relationship, or any Top/bottom relationship that ignores human dignity and needs, that turns into an abusive relationship and abuse has no place whatsoever in a Master/ slave relationship. Master/slave relationships should not be (are not?) abusive relationships. I am sure that there will be someone reading this who wonders what is abusive, there will be others who should, and even others who are abusive but will not admit that they are. This is very unfortunate in my eyes, because once someone owns up to their abusive tendencies, they can find help in overcoming them.

A Master/slave relationship has no room for and must not use fear, guilt, or humiliation. The negative energy produced by these emotions is bound to damage the power exchange dynamic and the people involved in the relationship.

Making someone afraid of you, as a tool for controlling their behavior is abuse. Making someone feel guilty is abuse. Using humiliation as a tool to control someone is abuse. Master/slave relationships are not about making the slave less; that is abuse.

Another thing that Master/slave relationships are not is the overnight or over-the-weekend type of relationship. Sure, people can engage in a bit of "me Master, you slave" role-play for that period of time, but it is by no means anything like a full-time, live-in, lifestyle-oriented Master/slave relationship. Frankly, it irks me a bit when people make light of their last trick being an overnight or weekend Master/slave scene; this completely ignores the skill and dedication of those of us who are involved in this style of living and loving. The making of a Master/slave relationship takes months and years of continuous, dedicated effort by each party to the relationship. It does not happen quickly, nor is it painless for everyone concerned.

How to Establish a Master/slave Relationship
To begin, think very, very carefully about the level of commitment that you are willing to make to a single relationship. It matters not whether you are thinking of becoming a Top or a bottom in a Master/slave relationship, the establishment of this power dynamic is one that requires a complete and unreserved commitment to your partner. A Master/slave relationship is much, much more intense emotionally than a fully committed relationship of any other type, including traditional marriage.

If you are considering becoming a Master, you must have some mastery over the concepts of dominance and submission, sadism and masochism, bondage and discipline, dependent on your particular set of needs and desires. The bottom line is that you must have achieved a master's skill in the areas that you enjoy. You should have mastered communication skills and known how to express yourself clearly without any questionable signals being sent. More importantly, however, you must have mastery over yourself and your emotions. As a Master, you are assuming complete responsibility not only for your life, but also the life of another human. There will be times when not having yourself under complete control can spell disaster for your slave and your relationship. If you're not willing to accept that responsibility yet, do not do it!

If you are considering becoming a slave, you must have some mastery over the concepts of dominance and submission, sadism and masochism, bondage and discipline, dependent on your particular set of needs and desires. The bottom line is that you must have achieved a full understanding of the areas that you enjoy. You should have internalized good communication skills and know how to express yourself clearly without any questionable signals being sent. More importantly, however, you must have control over yourself and your emotions. As a slave you are assuming the responsibility of allowing another human control for your life without reserve. There will be times when not having yourself under complete control can spell disaster for your Master's honor and your relationship. If you're not willing to accept responsibility for conducting yourself according to someone else's desires and needs yet, do not do it!

Once you have found someone with whom you wish to join in the Master/slave style of loving, spend a lot of time discussing the decision. Talk about life goals, your needs, your wants, your pains, and your pleasures. Both partners in a Master/slave relationship are going to have to make some changes if they are both going to be happy. The closer a match between the two parties, the fewer changes and the greater chance of successful integration between them. Neither side should have to give too much in any one area to make the relationship work. Yes, I know this is not the way you have been told it is supposed to be in the past, but this is the way it is. Both Master and slave must give to make their relationship work, and anyone who is a Master or slave who tells you differently is, in my opinion, full of shit.

Once you have established your friendship on a solid footing and you have established that you can be good lovers, if that is a part of your relationship, you are ready to discuss the nature of the power exchange you are thinking about creating. I don't know anyone without at least one limit ? No death ? so this is when the limits of the relationship should be discussed and agreed upon. Take your time on this step, as it is the last one before you commit yourself into a relationship that will bring with it both untold amounts of joy and a hell of a lot of work for both parties. If you have questions, wait until your questions are fully answered. If you need mentoring in your particular place in the power dynamic, take the time to find someone to mentor you. If you do your homework, you are probably entering a relationship that can last the rest of your life.

Finally, remember that a Master/slave relationship is the ultimate expression of love, respect, dedication, and friendship from both sides. Slaves serve their Masters best when that service is based on love, respect, dedication, and friendship. There is little doubt in my mind that you will see that the strongest chains between a Master and slave are indeed those forged out of' love, respect dedication, and friendship.

Well, that's it for this article. I hope you find these thoughts Useful and that you remember that I am expressing my opinion and my opinion only as you continue on your journey building "Safe, Sane, and Consensual relationships.