From

Facts about BDSM

• Mutual consent is what distinguishes BDSM from abuse and assault, just as consent distinguishes sex from rape.
• Context is what determines whether or not pain is experienced as pleasurable, though the context depends on the individual. An example of "good" pain may be getting scratched during sex, while an example of "bad" pain may be stubbing your toe..
• Some individuals view BDSM as their sexual orientation, like heterosexuality, homosexuality, and bisexuality. Others view it as a chosen sexual practice. In either case it needs to be respected..
• Not all BDSM play is between heterosexual couples..
• People who practice BDSM may be either monogamous or polyamourous..
• BDSM may or may not include sexual contact. For example, during a " scene " which centers around the use of floggers the partners may not have physical contact which goes beyond friendly hugging, yet, to each individual, the scene may be sexually arousing. This sexual energy may be used at the end of a "scene" either with that partner, another partner, or by the individual alone..
• People who are submissive with their partner in a BDSM "scene" may not be necessarily submissive in other aspects of their lives..
• BDSM can encompass physical and/or psychological interactions..
• Ligature marks around wrists or ankles cause safety questions to be raised. Warn patients about erotic asphyxiation -- choking play or hanging play is very dangerous but common..
• Accidents can happen in BDSM, just as in any other physical activity, but this isn't abuse..
• Rings, collars, brands, piercings or tattoos can be symbols of commitment which are as sacred as marriage bands..
• Both " tops " and " bottoms " can have bruises or soreness from a play session (scene)..
• Both "tops" and "bottoms," regardless of their sex, can be abused..
• Not all women " sub / bottom" and not all men " Dom / top.".
• Some people are proud of their bruises marks/cuts just as they might be proud of a hickey on their neck. Don't assume it is a problem or a mistake..
• Partners who know each other very well may sometimes " negotiate " a scene without a " safe word " -- this is still not abuse but a matter of profound trust.