How to Meet Others Safely

by Rusty Haway on Master slave Relationships Yahoo Group

If you plan on meeting someone outside of a social club or you meet someone at a social club and wish to pursue a relationship with this individual, there are things you can do to make sure the initial interview is successful. I do not mean that you will have a relationship with this person, but hopefully you will know to either move forward or away.

References: before meeting or playing with someone for the first time, you might want to get references. However, I have noticed that people will give references of their friends, community leaders or people that they have interacted with at social club. If you plan on playing with this person alone, how good can these references be? As a community leader, I can only give a reference on his behavior at the club. Usually, people are on their best behavior at a club. It used to surprise me how people would put on this great façade at social clubs, only to find out that they are completely different in private.

What I suggest is this: ask your prospective playmate/date for contact information for the last three people they have played with privately. If you are a Dominant asking for references for a submissive, contact the last three Dominants and ask them:

1. Can they use their safe word? I feel it is important to know if one can use a safe word. If they cannot, they you will have to be extremely sensitive to their body language the first few times you play with them.
2. Did they properly clean the toys after you both played?
3. Do they top from the bottom?

If you are a submissive getting references, the three questions should be:

1. Can he stay with negotiated boundaries?
2. Is he skilled with the toys he uses?
3. Will he honor your safe word? It is important to know if the top can or cannot stay within negotiated boundaries, if they are skilled or just starting out, and will they respect your safe word.

When contacting past players, you might encounter animosity or ill will. You should not be interested in why the relationship did not work. I believe most people will be honest if hard feelings are involved.