January 2005

Labels

At times I find myself explaining the difference between a masochist, a submissive, and a slave to new comers, as the differences may not be obvious when one is new to the scene. One of the common early mistakes I see, is a masochist or a submissive labeling himself (or herself) as a "slave", and every FemDom is a "Mistress". Granted this may be a fantasy, however, I take labels seriously and I would like to believe that those using them are doing so accurately. However, I do not believe this to be the case in some cases.

Moreover, I have met people in the scene who use the three terms - masochist, submissive, slave - interchangeably to refer to the same thing: a bottom. I tend to disagree. My definitions are based on what Webster's dictionary has to offer, as well as my opinion when relevant to elaborate.

Masochist
A person who obtains pleasure - especially sexual pleasure - from being hurt or controlled by another person. A person who enjoys an activity or situation that most people would find very unpleasant.

Masochism is the sexual pleasure or gratification of having pain or suffering inflicted upon the self, often consisting of sexual fantasies or urges for being beaten, humiliated, bound, tortured, or otherwise made to suffer, either as an enhancement to or a substitute for sexual pleasure. The name is derived from the 19th century author Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, known for his novel "Venus in Furs" that dealt with highly masochistic themes. The novel describes the sexual obsessions of Severin von Kusiemski, a European nobleman with the desire "to be the slave of a woman." Severin finds his ideal of voluptuous cruelty in the merciless Wanda von Dunajew.

According to the DSM IV which is the current edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (a compendium of psychiatric and mental disorders published by the American Psychiatric Association), Sexual Masochism can become a clinical manifested psychiatric illness. In this case the DSM IV defines Sexual Masochism as such: Sexual Masochism involves the act of being humiliated, bound, beaten and otherwise made to physically suffer for purposes of sexual stimulation. While the fantasy of such things is not unusual, it is the acting upon these fantasies that can run the risk of true peril.

The characteristics of Sexual Masochism as a psychiatric illness are as follows:

• Repeatedly for at least 6 months, the patient has intense sexual desires, fantasies or behaviors concerning real acts of being beaten, bound, humiliated or otherwise made to suffer.
• This causes clinically important distress or impairs work, social or personal functioning (This is where I draw the line with masochists and refer them for help).

Submissive
inclined or willing to submit to orders or wishes of others or showing such inclination.

In my book a submissive is a gentleman (or a lady) who is willing and desirous of showing deference, finding peace in belonging and pleasing, with an understanding that service is a privilege. He is wise enough to search for, and fortunate enough to find a FemDom who allows him service in a manner that is congruent with his fetish. And even then, he is driven by desire to please her, enough to place her above all else in pure selflessness. He thrives on her pleasure, withers with her dissatisfaction. He is content in knowing that he has served and served well, for service is his calling and duty. He does not expect reward, for one is not necessarily rewarded for performing his duty.

Though a submissive is driven by his (or her) desire to serve, and a great deal of the "negotiated" aspect of the relationship have been discussed prior to entering the D/s relationship, a submissive maintains the right to present his opinion to his FemDom respectfully, and he remains one with needs of which his FemDom is aware.

Slave
A person who is wholly subject to the will of another; held as a chattel; has no freedom of action, but whose person and services are wholly under the control of another.

The legal definition of a slave (and historical now) is a man (or a woman) who is by law deprived of his liberty for life, and becomes the property of another. He has no political rights, and generally has no civil rights. He can enter into no contract unless specially authorized by law; what he acquires generally, belongs to his master. The children of female slaves follow the condition of their mothers, and are themselves slaves (moronic, no?). In general a slave is considered a thing and not a person; but sometimes he is considered as a person; as when he commits a crime.

In an Mistress/slave relationship (M/s), a slave similarly has no rights. His only two viable options are to obey or to ask for release (or be released by an unsatisfied Mistress). All negotiations take place prior to entering the relationship. To some, the negotiation is simple: "Since you are a slave you will do as I say", end of discussion. To others, the negotiations are more involved and not unlike those that take place between a Dominant and a submissive.

Once a slave has entered the M/s relationship, he has forfeited all his rights (other than to ask for release) and his life decisions are up to his Mistress. In theory, his opinion no longer matters and is of no consequence to the relationship. Absolute obedience is expected. So you can see why such a "label" needs to be taken very seriously.

Bottom
Interestingly, this is a word with many meanings in the English language (bottom of a glass, bottom of the matter, etc.).

When it comes to humans, a bottom traditionally speaking, is a homosexual male (sometimes used to describe a homosexual female) who normally has the submissive role in sex, not pertaining to physical positioning. In the BDSM realm, a bottom is the receiver of a physical action. A masochist therefore is a bottom. As far as I am concerned bottoming is part of BDSM but not a Dominant/submissive relationship. A submissive can be a bottom but not necessarily.

Elizabeth Anna Wright
aka Madame E

EMAIL Elizabeth Anna Wright