Basics

Good Beginnings For Exploration

Welcome. Whether you fancy yourself a Dominant or submissive,Mistress, Master or slave, Daddy or boy / boi, Top or bottom, the journey of a thousand miles has to start somewhere. For some this is the first exposure. For others this is one of a myriad of sites on the subject. Still others come to (or come back to) this Lifestyle after journeys of abuse or neglect or times of quiet introspection. In many cases a Dom Master Mistress or Top may have snet you here to learn the "lingo" and basic ground rules.

Welcome and welcome back. There are so many things to share. Maybe you are excited about finally meeting someone who seems so right, so like minded. You'd not be the first. And those who came before you have carved out some very solid and reasonable rules of the road.

Here is an interesting article that serves as one introduction. Intro: Kink in NYC circa 2004.

Timeless suggestions for meeting and partnering done well.
Please be sure you read Safety Rules For First Meetings before you go too far. A more updated link about Safe Calls comes from Canada. The more "right" your prospective partner seems, the less these safety steps should interfere with your successful meeting.

A warning about blindly trusting:
If you do not beleive that bad things happen all the time to good people, take a few moments and read about " Slavemaster " and the ladies who ended up in 55 gallon drums, years back for not being cautious or knowing and employing safe meeting protocols. More details separating the urban legend from the facts can be found on urban legends sites. There are lots of folks out there, with their own reasons for doing this stuff and not all are safe or healthy. The point is; exploring D/s and BDSM can be done sensibly even as it seems so far out on the edge. If you don't have anyone to confide in about all this, then perhaps you should rethink it.

Now what?
Okay maybe you're no where near ready to meet anyone. Perhaps you already have a partner to explore all this with. Learning about safe WORDS and SIGNALS would still do you well. Learning to negotiate your involvement is important on both sides of the Power exchange. It can save a lot of hurt feelings and distrust to be clear about what you will and will not be open to trying the first few times you explore. Go slow. If you are new to this it is an exciting time in your life. Read. Meet other like minded people. Find out what the mainstream of this community stands for before you style your own niche in it all. Safe Sane and Consensual ( SSC ) and Risk Aware Consensual Kink ( RACK ) are two fundamental operating philosophies. If you like to read, allow us to suggest our Books and Reading Link .

A word or two about service and submission
Submission is an allowance "granted" to another person deemed capable of leading. Such exchanges are about building trust and that takes time. My best quote on this is "Learning to trust, requires a calculated risk... Do the math carefully." Evil Knievel the daredevil who measured the Snake River Canyon with his jet bike for months, didn't quite make it over the canyon. Not everyone who wears a Dom hat is compatible with everyone who has the yearning to serve, please, and submit. If a Dominant "wants it all now" and doesn't hear your need to go at a certain pace... is that Dominant really in touch and prepared to control much of anything in your world?

When you agree to something as a submissive it's a good idea to try to keep your word as best you can, but that doesn't mean you have to do anything you haven't agreed to or haven't specifically negotiated "just because he is Tarzan and you are Jane." (My apology for the gender bias here).

By the same token Doms, if the submissive will "do anything to please Master" be wary that you aren't being set up. The "doormat" submissive is often the one who will cry "foul" at a later date. Be clear about what you are both willing to try and be prepared to adjust even as you move forward. Contracts , even short termed ones, can be helpful.

Explore the rest of these links and move on to the Real Life Pages as you grow.

Best to you in your journey.

- DaddyJ

• Safe Sane Consensual SSC What it is? Risk Aware Consensual Kink RACK
• Ten Things I Wish I had Known . Hindsight is 20/20
• The submissive's Bill of Rights
• First Meetings: Top Ten Rules of Vanilla Dating |
• Frequently Asked Questions
• HIV & STD Safety
• Negotiations A Must!
• MASTER ANNE on BDSM Organizations
• Kink Aware Practitioners <- Mental Health Professionals who understand D/s
• Lord Stefan Xerxes Personal Rules <- Some Real Life experience worth noting here
• Contracts < - Samples of ways people agree to behave.
• Ten Rules for a Dominant
• Ten Rules for a submissive
• Collaring Ceremonies
• The BDSM Emblem
• Deviants Dictionary
• Daddy Doms
• Hanky Codes

None of the information included is intended to be the last word on D/s relationships.

Each and everyone of us must find our own way within this life/love style. Always remember as you read this and other information, listen to discussions and chat with various people;

The is no one right or wrong way. Generally speaking if it works between two consenting partners it works!

There are two area's in which there is a generally accepted intelligent way.

Those are the elements of Consent and Safety. Within the context of responsible D/s, ALL relationships are consensual. No one can demand an act of submission or play without the TOTAL consent of their partner. Just as No one can demand an act of Domination without the consent of the Dominant. That is not to say Master / slave relationships are not viable. But those should never be entered lightly or without a lot of thought and time to learn each other.

The one all supreme guideline for every one in our community is SAFETY . It's not smart to break the toys.

A Dominant who refuses to accept that responsibility or ignores safety issues is NOT a responsible DOMINANT and should be avoided.