No More Cheating: Spread The Word!

by Laura Goodwin

There is no easy way to come out and live honestly, but it certainly is easier than it used to be. It's also not as dangerous as it used to be. In any case, we have to stop living as if we have judged ourselves to be criminals, because that way we collude with our enemies. Our enemies don't need our help: let them worry about how to keep us down, that's their business, not ours.

The way to gain and maintain rights is to exercise your rights. I need every one of you to come out and hold your heads up in the sunshine. People need to see we are not ashamed.

We need not be ashamed if we are clear about what we are doing and why it is important. It's a mental health, and quality-of-life issue. It is *not* a matter of life and death. There is no compelling reason to break vows with your spouse over it, unless you have really had it out with them.

Too many times people won't even try to negotiate with their spouse, because it seems they believe two incredible falsehoods:

1. That they have no right to expect their spouse to be sympathetic
2. That their sex life is none of their own spouse's business!

Both of these attitudes are very wrong, and either one lays an ax to the root of marriage-the-institution, itself. Married people are supposed to be able to depend upon one another. You shouldn't be married to someone you can't count on.

In a good marriage, the husband and wife are like the two wings of a bird - that's how you know if it's good. If your spouse has abandoned trying to keep the sexual bond alive, then the marriage vow is broken. If your marriage is broken, you have a right to know! I pity the cheated-upon partners of the world. Watching them trying to keep their marriages together is as pathetic as watching a bird try to fly with only one wing. Don't they have rights? Don't they need an advocate? Who can really look at the plight of these poor people and remain unmoved?

Living honestly isn't easy, but you know what? Nothing really is! Life is a struggle my friends: a full pitched battle. Rub dirt into your wounds to stanch the blood flow and get back into the fight.

Your spouse has a right to know if you have broken your vow. Your spouse has a right to fight to maintain your bond and the validity of your vow. If you are sneaking around on them you aren't even giving them a chance, and that is just low, low, low. It's totally unfair!

If you have been cheating and you have decided to repent and try honesty, this can be a dangerous move. Don't spill your guts about everything you have done. For mercy's sake have compassion, and tell your spouse only that you are restless and unhappy, and ask for their help. Call upon their sense of loyalty and decency, and give them a chance to surprise you. If your partner loves you, you might be astounded at what they will be willing to do to keep you safe at home where they can find you.

They may do exactly as you fear, too. So what!? You aren't so special that you never have to face adversity. Face what you fear bravely. This situation is your doing. Take responsibility for your choices, for your mistakes, and for all of your own life. Do what you have to do to get right, and in the end it will give you (and your spouse) peace and freedom.

This essay and all site contents Copyright L. Goodwin 1990 -2001