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An abused person...
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A submissive...
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Is frightened of their partner's temper and emotional outbursts
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Is not afraid of their Dominant's temper or emotional expression
because their has never been an incident where the Dominant has
lost control of his behavior and blamed in on their emotions.
There is open discussion both ways in the relationship about
each other's emotions and feelings, fears and hopes.
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Is often compliant because they are afraid to hurt their partner's
feelings or are afraid of their partner's anger
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Is not afraid of their Dominant at anytime, not even when they have
disobeyed or not lived up to expectations or failed to complete a
task. Dominants are so self assured and self confident that they
don't take things personally and if something is personal they
accept responsibility and control and deal with the issue if it
is about them, they are not crushed by personal affronts.
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Will have the urge to "rescue" their partner when or
because their partner is troubled. An abused person fixes the
messes that the jerk leaves in their wake for fear of what will
continue if the problem isn't fixed immediately even though the
abused person had nothing to do with creating the problem in the
first place.
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Should be controlled by the Dominant therefore they do not need
to "rescue" the Dominant from themselves. If the
Dominant is truly in control he/she can and will ask for whatever
assistance they need to deal with the issues and events that face
them. If you are "rescuing" the Dominant then who is
really in control? If the Dominant is troubled it doesn't hurt
to ask what assistance you can be. If your enquiry is met with
anger, a cold shoulder or other negative responses then the person
is out of control, not in control. A Dominant would either gratefully
accept the offer and discuss what assistance is needed or calmly and
LOVINGLY acknowledge your concern and tell you it is ok he has
everything under control but thanks for caring and offering your
support. A Dominant isn't offended easily, his/her ego can't be
bruised. A Dominant cleans up their own mess and mistakes, they
may ask for assistance but they also direct the clean up of the
mess or the fix to the mistake or misjudgment.
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Will find themselves apologizing to themselves or others for
their partner's behavior when they are treated badly
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Doesn't feel the need to excuse or apologize their Dominants
behavior or actions. A Dominant would never allow a submissive
to make such excuses or apologies for him/her. It would be a
dishonor to their being to allow a submissive to make excuses
or apologies for them.
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Has been hit, kicked, shoved or had objects thrown at them,
been made to fear or have been threatened with such
behavior either by words or actions of their partner when the partner
is jealous, angry or when the partner is trying to gain or
maintain control
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Submits and serves because it pleases them to do so not because
they fear what will happen if they do not submit or serve. The
causing of physical pain in D/s or BDSM should make you "WET",
even if the pain is punishment it should still make you wet at some
point and you should not be fearful, anxious maybe but NEVER fearful.
Consensual prearranged scenes, such as a rape fantasy or forced
submission fantasy, might include being, hit, kicked, threatened
by words or actions of the Dominant and the submissive wants to
feel as close to fear/terror as they can. The difference between
a scene such as this and abuse are the words CONSENSUAL, SCENE,
and PREARRANGED this is role playing, has been consented (
willingly not out of fear ) to or maybe even asked for by
the submissive and the behavior is not out of anger or loss
of control of the Dominant. Again this one is very black and
white.
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Will make decisions about activities and friends according to
their fear of not doing what their partner wants or out of fear
of how their partner will react
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Will make decisions based on what pleases their Dominant knowing
that their Dominant is concerned with the wants and needs of the
submissive and knowing that the Dominant makes decisions based
on what is in everyone's best interest. A submissive makes
decisions that they believe will please their Dominant, they
do not make decisions based of fear of upsetting or angering
the Dominant.
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May drink or use drugs to escape the stress of the abusive life
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Doesn't want to escape the reality of their life and doesn't need
drugs or alcohol to cope as they have a Dominant who helps guide
them through any stress.
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Some abused people have been abused as a child or seen their
mother abused.
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Some submissives have been abused as children and have seen
their mothers abused. It is so very important for submissive
women involved in "lifestyle" relationships to be
aware of the difference between BDSM D/s and abuse.
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