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Protocol
Copyright © Eric Inman, September 2001
Originally published at The Manor
Protocol: By definition is
"The strict adherence to proper etiquette."
What's the difference between Leather and S/M?
By definition leather is intended not to harm. To always
stay in the limits of the submissive or gently push them,
while S/M is played to the limit/desires of the Top. What we
will be discussing here is the Leather lifestyle.
EGO!!! Get rid of it
Perhaps the biggest thing that can hurt a Dominant (and a
submissive) is the ego. If you have the mistaken impression
that you know it all you are dead wrong. There is too much
in this lifestyle to learn to know it all. The best
Dominants, the ones that are held in the highest regard,
speak without ego, and are very, very approachable. This
openness that you have when you lack in ego makes you more
ready to learn from all areas, and makes the flow of
knowledge open up. This opening of the flow of knowledge
will only benefit you as a lifestyler.
What you see here stays here
We all have lives outside of this lifestyle; some don’t want
it to get out in general knowledge that they are into this
kinky lifestyle. So you should never use names when talking
about a scene. You can say, "I saw a scene where a person
was suspended and flogged, it was beautiful!" You can’t say,
" I was at Harry’s house, and he and Tonya were scening, she
was being suspended and Harry flogged her."
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There are some gray areas, such as speaking of
someone and their expertise with a particular skill. I
would suggest that you recommend that the person either
watch a scene or take the proper precautions to do a
safe scene with them if they wish to play. This is best
done with public dungeons and such. It is never wise to
over qualify a person, and never, speak badly of them.
Speaking poorly of a person will only look bad on you.
Protocol vs. Dominant style
Protocol is a very odd thing; in essence it merely means
"good manners!" But this is a world where it is ok to do
seemingly horrible things to a person, and there are some
awkward parts to the lifestyle where you would normally not
know what to do, or what is proper. Protocol is merely a set
of rules that help you navigate the proper ways of doing
things in the lifestyle so that the least amount of feelings
get hurt and as a Dominant you have a guideline as how to
act. Your style may vary from what other Dominants may do. I
allow my submissive to look into my eyes, but in "Old Guard"
protocol it is stated that a submissive should never look
the Dom in the eyes. It is acceptable to change some forms
of protocol that affect only the interactions between you
and the submissive, but not between you, and your submissive
and the out side world. You can allow your submissive to
speak to other Dominants without your permission, but as the
submissive don’t get bent out of shape if a Dominant asks
your Dom permission to speak to you.
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The best reference to help you with this is a
military etiquette book or a book on good manners book.
Keeping the idea of military etiquette when reading the
military etiquette manual treat Dominants as Officers,
and submissive as enlisted.
Where did it all start?
Referring back to the previous statement that the military
manual is a great reference. The beginnings started after
World War 2. There was a surge of men who wanted to maintain
the military style formalities and protocol. Quite often
they wore leather (biker leather) and utilized the etiquette
of the military for formalities and proper rankings and
honorific titles. There are actually ranks and status with
both Dominants and submissive. this could be a entire
website all to its self, s we will leave this as it stands.
If you are old Guard (meaning being in the lifestyle longer
that 20 years) and you would like to send me your rendition
of the beings of the lifestyle and what it means to you,
PLEASE DO. I am a very large fan of the lifestyle. Not only
will I post what you have to say, I assure you that I will
more than likely send you e-mails asking you questions if
you would allow it.. please e-mail me if you are of old
guard and wish to share your knowledge. Title holders and
ex-Title holders please send me your opinions and what the
lifestyle means to you.
Other people’s property: NEVER touch/talk to with out
permission.
(Never use a toy without permission)
TOYS
If you are looking at a person's toys, resort back to what
your parents used to say, "Look with your eyes, not your
hands" if you desire to touch a toy… ASK!!! Be sure that it
is ok to pick up a toy, some Dominants toys can quickly
cross into the hundreds of dollars range and having a bunch
of people pawing over them and picking them up is considered
VERY rude.
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If you do pick up a person's toys, after receiving
their permission, ask before you swing with it or use it
on a person, especially if the toy is a present. When a
person mentions that they just got the toy, or that they
just received it as a gift, ask if it is ok to use it on
someone. Traditionally when a person receives a new toy
they want to be the first to use it, if they don’t, you
should at the very least give them the common courtesy
to ask.
Submissive
When a submissive is in strict protocol or service to a
Dominant that means, traditionally, that they may not speak
to another without permission from the Dominant. As a
Dominant you should always ask if you might speak to a
submissive that is with another Dominant before speaking
with them. These rules would especially apply if a
submissive were on leash.
Flagging
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Left vs. right??
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History of left versus right!
There is a widespread convention among S&Mers that certain
clothing accessories worn on the left indicate top, dominant
or master/mistress, and worn on the right, bottom,
submissive or slave. The origin of this convention is
uncertain: a picturesque (but by no means proven) origin
story goes back to the San Francisco Gold Rush of 1849,
where women were so scarce that men had to take a woman's
role at social dances, and used bandanas in left or right
back pockets to indicate whether they were leading or
following that night.
Body Positioning
Here is where I am not so much an expert but more so aware
of what I have learned from my previous experience. As I
have mentioned the Dominant is in fact the first person to
present to the public as an officer would in the military or
a parent should. It is my understanding that the reason that
the Dominant precedes the submissive is for protective
reasons as well as honorific.
Honorific titles
(They should be given, not taken.)
Addressing a Dominant/Submissive.
(Scene names)
Let's remember that not all people are out, and when it comes
to speaking with someone who wishes to keep their real name
withheld please respect their wishes. When using such a
name, please also remember to not go and give yourself a
title that you didn't earn!
Meeting in Public
You are in a business or vanilla environment, you see
someone you had seen at a public dungeon or play party. What
to do? Don't panic. If you have not already met this person
in the vanilla world and aren't sure if they are out, you
may wish to use phrases like these if you want to talk to
them, "Pardon me you look like someone I know, have we met?"
or "Do I know you." If they say "NO" then excuse yourself.
If they say, "Yes" let them set the ground rules. If you are
not "OUT" and you meet someone whom you have seen at a
Dungeon or a play party, say, "I don't believe that we have
met." this will tell them that you aren't out and don't want
to be recognized.
The types of people
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(Slave, submissive, bottom, brat)
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(Master, Dominant, top, Brat Dom)
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(Switch, Dominant switch, submissive switch)
Let's keep this all in perspective, let's not go overboard
with what we have heard or learned but rather study it and
think about what you want to incorporate into your
relationship and what must be there (i.e.: speaking to
other's submissive, or touching their toys)
Copyright © Eric Inman, September 2001, All Rights Reserved
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