THE FETISH OF INFANTILISM

by Angela Herd

URGENT: MOMMY! CHANGE MY DIAPERS, BATHE ME, POWDER ME, SPANK MY BOTTOM when I'm bad!

Naughty adult baby boy, 34 years old, needs sincere woman, any age/race to care for all needs. Looks unimportant.

No pros! Please!

Baby Frankie

Bizarre? Well, it's unlikely you'll find an ad like this in the New York Times or your local paper. But if your reading list includes Fetish Times or one of the other tabloids that chronicle sexual adventure, check out the classifieds. There, sandwiched between dominatrixes and slaves, mixed in with swingers and swappers, you'll find Big Babies looking for love.

Their ads may read like put-ons, but they're not. Both the message and advertiser are real. The scene is called infantilism. While Webster defines infantilism as a condition of being abnormally childlike, there is no medical definition or, for that matter, a psychiatric definition of the term. However, those who practice it know exactly what it means. An infantilist is an adult—usually a male—who voluntarily regresses to an infantile state and is sexually roused and gratified while acting like and being treated like baby.

On the surface it sounds simple. But there are so many aspects to this behavior that infantilism is a veritable crossroads of kink, incorporating elements of ego regression, cross-dressing, mother love, degradation, bondage, discipline, S&M, subservience, dominance, pissing, shitting, and enema worship.

Don't feel left out if you haven't heard much about infantilism. You're in good company—most psychologists don't know much more about this phenomenon than you do. Most infantilists are so reluctant to talk about their fetish that—if they even seek treatment— they hide it from their analysts. Clearly, it's probably easier to tell someone that you'd like to fuck your sister than to admit that the only way you get really hot is to be in diapers. And if you can't tell your analyst, who can you tell? Psychologists who do have experience with infantilism are hesitant to define its roots and causes—and with all those kinks clouding the issue, it's easy to see why. Essentially, the infantilist desires to recapture a time—maybe the one time—when attention was paid to him and when he felt loved. However, most infantilists find it very difficult to be a kid again. In fact, the majority claim that it's almost impossible to do—and maintain any dignity. Although many infantilists are married or have a relationship, they keep their compulsion hidden. One unsympathetic wife pretty much sums up the prevailing attitude about infantilism: "I married a man," she says, "not a baby. I'm not about to play mother to an adult."

Thus, the infantilist is almost forced to play out his fantasies with professional specialists: hookers, dominatrixes and the like. This is costly in terms of money and usually devastating in terms of emotions, and it often leads the infantilist into sex trips too heavy for him.

Since most of these men want to be dominated, they often unwittingly find themselves slaves—not to the "mothers" they seek , but to dominant mistresses. On the other hand, there are couples who have made Big Baby play a routine part of their sex lives and have enhanced their relationships by doing so. Because of the stigma attached to infantilism, there is really no way of telling how many people are into it. However, one indication that there are certainly more adult infants than we might think is the existence of a small industry catering to its special needs: Magazines, newsletters, boutiques and "therapists" servicing Big Babies are flourishing nationwide. Perhaps the most interesting of these are the clothing and araphernalia suppliers. After all, where can one find diapers in size 44? One place is Uba's Fashions (6013 Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA 90028), which furnished the wardrobe worn by our models in the accompanying photos. Grandma Burdine in Milpitas, California, and NK Products of Teaneck, New Jersey, also sell baby products. In recent months the clamoring of Big Babies has been heard by more people than ever before. There have been articles, essays and studies of this phenomenon published in both the "straight" and sex press.

Deciding it was time to look into the situation, we answered some ads in underground newspapers and specialized newsletters to find individuals—Big Babies and partners of Big Babies—and their stories. One of the men we talked to, a Los Angeles resident named Alan, who has been married for more than ten years, is the father of a small child (with a second on the way) and, on the surface, appears to be a perfectly normal husband, father and business professional. But the dark secret that he hides from his family, friends and business associates is his compulsion to be treated like an infant.

—Jim Heinisch and Doug Oliver

HUSTLER: How do you define the word infantilism?

ALAN: Well, to me it's having a woman treat me like an infant. I enjoy thinking of myself as a young boy who is being treated like an infant because he's being punished.

HUSTLER: Does that mean baby clothes and playthings turn you on?

ALAN: Diapers, rubber pants and lacy things are turn-ons for me, but the biggest thrill is the physical act of being put over someone's knee and having baby lotion and powder put on me, that sort of thing.

HUSTLER: Is it sexual?

ALAN: In the sense that I get gratification during it, yes. But not in the sense that I think of sex. In my mind, sex really means two people. I don't know if that's right or not, but that's how we see it. We don't engage in any traditional sex acts; she just bathes me, and I masturbate and... what not.

HUSTLER: When were you first aware of infantile urges?

ALAN: As far back as I can remember. I remember that when I was very small, cartoons of a naked baby in its mother's arms were erotic to me. Even when I was very young, things like the Coppertone ad with the pants being pulled off the little girl—were a turn-on for me because I wanted to be that baby or that little girl.

HUSTLER: Did you want to be treated like an infant when you were a teenager?

ALAN: Yes, but I suppressed it. I was just into regular, straight dating and regular, straight sex. You know, everything was and has been very normal with the exception of this one fantasy.

HUSTLER: When did you have your first infantile experience?

ALAN: A woman in Orange County responded to an ad I placed. It read something like, "22-year-old white male seeks woman, any age, race or color to treat me like a baby."

HUSTLER: Why did you place the ad?

ALAN: I had been having these fantasies of being treated like an infant for so long, I just had to act them out. The woman who responded was weird. She wanted me to buy her a wedding ring.

HUSTLER: Did she share your fetish?

ALAN: To a certain degree. She was looking for her own sexual gratification, though, not mine.

HUSTLER: Do you satisfy your wife sexually?

ALAN: Yes.

HUSTLER: Then she participates in your fetish?

ALAN: No. I tried to explain it to her once, but she couldn't accept it. We just have straight sex.

HUSTLER: What happened when you told her about your infantilism?

ALAN: I was stoned. I just broke down and explained to her that I had these really deep sexual fantasies and asked her if she would go along with them. She just said she couldn't do it. She got very upset.

HUSTLER: How long had you been married at that time?

ALAN: Seven or eight years.

HUSTLER: Do you think she resents you for it?

ALAN: Consciously, no. Subconsciously, probably. She's a very smart lady. She's not one to forget something. It's been years since it happened now, but I know it's still there. That's why I kind of wish I never opened my mouth. We've got a really strong, super relationship in every other aspect. It really hurts me to have to hide something like this.

HUSTLER: Since she doesn't participate, who's your partner?

ALAN: Usually a prostitute.

HUSTLER: How do you find prostitutes who cater to your interest?

ALAN: At first it was really difficult. One of the hardest things is to find a woman who will want to do this. I've never met a woman who didn't want money for it. I guess that's because they don't get any sexual gratification from it.

HUSTLER: Describe an encounter between you and a prostitute.

ALAN: There's all kinds of things we can do. For instance, we'll start the session off with the girl saying something like, "Well, you don't look too good. Maybe I ought to take your temperature." After that she'll come out with a rectal thermometer. I'll act embarrassed because I wouldn't want to take my pants down, to have her put something up there. And the whole time she'll say, "It's okay. You really can't do anything about it. I'm in charge." And from there it's not long before she'll say, "Look, you messed in your pants! Don't you even know how to take care of yourself? I guess I'm gonna have to put you in diapers." One thing leads to another.

HUSTLER: Do you explain to her what you want before the session?

ALAN: Right. I tell her she can think of herself as my older sister, an aunt, a teacher, a nurse, whatever figure she feels comfortable with. Any woman who's some kind of authority figure to me will do. I'll ask her to tell me I'm being punished because I wet my bed, say, or brown-streaked my underwear. Then I'll tell her to humiliate me by treating me like an infant because of what I've done.

HUSTLER: Do you actually mess in your pants or wet your pants?

ALAN: No. It's just spoken about.

HUSTLER: Do these prostitutes have things like diapers on hand?

ALAN: Yeah. The ones I go to are geared to this sort of thing. So they'll have all the paraphernalia.

HUSTLER: Where does the sex come in?

ALAN: She'll rub the powder and lotion on me, that kind of thing. Or I'll pretend I'm breast-feeding.

HUSTLER: Once you're aroused, how do you get off?

ALAN: She'll give me a bath, and I'll masturbate to orgasm in the tub.

HUSTLER: Is that everything?

ALAN: Yeah, unless it's a situation where we're going to spend more time together. We'll make plans for next time. You can go so many different ways. You can pretend you're at a beach and she's undressing you in front of all the ladies, because you're a baby and it doesn't matter.

HUSTLER: How often do you go to these prostitutes?

ALAN: It varies. Sometimes every week, sometimes once a month.

HUSTLER: Are you sexually attracted to them?

ALAN: No. They're just women who would be suitable mother figures. They could be anybody—a teenage baby-sitter, a middle-aged baby-sitter, a school nurse or a grade-school teacher. Any woman who has authority. I seem most satisfied by a middle-aged housewife-type.

HUSTLER: Is it always a woman?

ALAN: Oh, yes. I couldn't even talk about this to a guy. I once went to a male therapist, and I just wasn't able to get the subject open. It's just too hard for me.

HUSTLER: If you were to find a woman who was into your particular fetish and who was willing to share it with you full time, would it affect your relationship with your wife?

ALAN: I wouldn't give up my relationship with my wife for this trip. It's not the biggest part of my life. My marriage and my family are too important.

HUSTLER: Has infantilism affected your ability to be a good parent?

ALAN: I've thought about that a lot, and it really hasn't. I consider myself to be a really good father. See, nothing in my fantasies involves my being with a little kid. It's always thinking of myself as a little kid. So there's never any threat between myself and my children.

HUSTLER: Are you envious of your children?

ALAN: Not really. Although if I'm in the shower and I'm masturbating, I may want to think along those lines. I sometimes think of how much fun it would be if I were the one in the living room being petted and preened over by ladies and what not.

HUSTLER: Are you seeing a therapist?

ALAN: Yes.

HUSTLER: How long have you been seeing him?

ALAN: Her. It's a female therapist. I guess about seven or eight months.

HUSTLER: Have you figured out why you want to be treated like a baby?

ALAN: It's been the result of a lot of small things. This is a deep-rooted kind of thing. I had an older sister who, consciously or not, verbally put me in that sort of position—always introducing me as "the baby of the family," telling me how—when I was little, she would diaper me to embarrass me or get me mad.

HUSTLER: Is therapy helping you?

ALAN: I'm not sure. We're at the point now where we're not certain whether we can go any further in trying to "cure" my fetish. It may be something I'll have to be happy to live with. I started therapy wanting to be normal, straight. I didn't want these fantasies bothering me any more. And now that I've been through therapy, I don't think that can ever happen. So I just want to try and learn to be comfortable with it.