Anal Sex 101

Safety and "How To" tips

by Rob Jellinghaus

This is a basic primer on anal sex, including tips on how to do it and some important safety reminders. Once you've read this you may also want to visit the next page on "anal sex" and the one on "fisting" mentioned at the end of this article.

Is anal sex safe? Why do people do it?

Anal sex, practiced properly, is as safe as any other kind of sex. And people do it because it feels good -- the anus can be an intensely erogenous zone. In fact, far more straight people than gay people practice anal sex! The anus contains more nerve endings than any other part of the male body, and more than any part of the female body except the clitoris. It's no wonder that anal sex is a part of many peoples' sex lives.

"Anal sex" can range from simply stroking your or your partner's anus with a lubricated finger, to actually sliding some fingers inside your partner and stroking them, to full anal intercourse. All these things are physically very pleasurable, and if you simply wash your butt, there's nothing repulsive about them. The anal taboo is very old, but there is no necessary medical reason for it if you know what you're doing. If you're concerned about staying clean, by all means make sure you've gone to the bathroom before playing, and wash your ass -- outside and, if you wish, inside, with an enema. If you want to feel clean in order to enjoy anal sex, it's not hard to be as clean as you want. (It is also very important, though, to use safe sex techniques, which are described a bit further on.)

Three main guidelines

The main guidelines for anal sex are Communication, Relaxation, Lubrication. These don't include the safety issues but without these you'll have a hard time having anal sex at all.

Communication

Talk about what you're going to do before you do it! Don't just roll your partner over and surprise them; they won't be relaxed and it won't be fun. Make sure you both are comfortable with the idea of anal play. One of the things to talk about if someone hasn't done anal play before is that the sensations will be intense and strange. If it's being done to you it may feel like you are having a bowel movement when your partner slides their fingers out of you; it takes some experience to realize that this feeling is deceptive and that what you're feeling won't result in a soiled bed sheet.

Relaxation

The person whose ass is being played with must listen to their body. If their ass wants to be played with, they will know; if it doesn't, don't rush anything. You see, the anus consists of two rings of muscle, dubbed the external and internal sphincters. The external sphincter is under voluntary control -- you can relax it at will. But the internal sphincter is not under voluntary control. If someone is tense, their internal sphincter will be tight, and trying to force anything into it will hurt, which will make them (and it) even more tense. So the rule in anal sex is to go slowly; you can't force your way into enjoying it.

Lubrication

The anus doesn't lubricate, so you need to use a WATER-SOLUBLE lubricant such as KY Jelly or Probe. Use LOTS of it; it's clean! The more lube you use, the more comfortable you will be. Basically the rule for fisting applies here too: there is no such thing as too much lube. Note, make *sure* you use WATER soluble, and *not* oil based lubricant -- oil destroys condoms, gloves and dams.

Safety Considerations

It's not enough to just clean the anus though; you should also use a latex barrier (a glove for fingering, a dental dam or a piece of Saran Wrap (non-microwaveable) for licking, and a condom for fucking) when having anal sex. This is true in general, but especially true for anal sex; unprotected anal sex is the riskiest kind of sex with regard to transmitting STDs of any sort. Also, using protection often increases the sensation of safety and cleanliness, which helps many people relax and enjoy the experience more. (Some say that anal play isn't as risky as all that. The facts are that in some cities intestinal parasites, spread by unprotected anal sex, have been considered a serious sexually transmitted public health problem, with thousands of people infected. Decide for yourself how much risk you want to accept.) And anything that has come in contact with the anus should be cleaned thoroughly (or thrown away, in the case of latex barriers) before coming into contact with the mouth or vagina.

We already mentioned that it's not a good idea to force anything. Let me be more emphatic: if someone feels pain in their ass while having anal sex, STOP. Too-rough anal sex can stress and possibly tear the anal lining, which can lead to very serious infections. Anal sex does NOT mix with force, and should NEVER be used as a way to inflict pain. And if you find bleeding from the rectum, go see a doctor IMMEDIATELY. (Don't be embarrassed -- they've seen it all before... just get yourself taken care of!)

That said, let's clarify what we mean by STOP if you feel pain. That is what you should do: just stop moving. The pain may just be the sphincter muscle complaining about stretching a bit, and when you stop pushing it will stop hurting--and possibly relax some more. If it doesn't stop hurting when you stop moving, THEN you want to pull out (slowly) and take appropriate action. If it does stop, wait a little, then begin again... your ass will let you know if it wants to stop altogether. (So pay attention to it! Getting drunk is NOT a good idea, as you don't want to block out any pain you may feel.