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SEX Toys
By Mistress Michelle Peters
The toy industry for grown-ups is far greater than the toy
industry for children! At first glance that sounds like one
of those "clever, clever" remarks that need intensive
qualification before they mean anything at all—and when resolved
actually have no meaning whatever.
But in fact it is a serious statement of an irrefutable fact.
Leaving aside the current craze for sets of Newtonian Balls,
designed to drive you either half-mad with their everlasting
clicking, or to lull you into a sense of false security while
the world falls apart behind your back, let's look at the
dictionary definition of the word "toy".
The Concise Oxford Dictionary states: TOY: Plaything
(especially for child); knick-knack; thing meant for
amusement rather than for serious use etc. We may ignore
the etcetera! Using the secondary definition of "thing
meant for amusement rather than for serious use", we at
once enter into the field of hobbies, and are confronted with
cameras and photo equipment, fishing rods and a thousand bits
of fishing gadgetry and, you name it! Not excluding model
railroad equipment, which is a substantial industry in itself.
If you are over 18 years old, you are no longer a "child",
but unless you are very poor, or unusually eccentric, I am sure
that at any age from 18 to 80, you have, in value, at least 10
to 20 times the value of toys in your possession that an over
indulged child of ten has!
Now photography, golf, tennis, fishing and what-not are all
very well in their way, but they are only secondary
amusements—unless of course you are a professional,
when the gadgetry ceases to be toys and becomes tools
of your trade. There is one field of human interest in
which all mankind are amateurs, and that is sex! Without
question, for around 50 years of an average man's life,
it is the number one absorbing interest, beyond even
food and drink!
And it is about the "gadgetry" of sex that
I want to write in this article. Of course, for
"straight sex of the "Let's get with it,
baby" and "Bang, Bang Finish," variety,
we are, most of us fully equipped by nature. However,
in a world in which overpopulation is an increasing problem,
and, incidentally in which women now have a somewhat louder
voice than men, straightforward copulation is neither as
easily come by nor as universally practiced as it once was.
At the very least, some small degree of "gadgetry"
is demanded, in the way of pills and/or contraceptives. Of
course, there is a solid block of opinion opposed even to
these, but it is noteworthy that opposition to birth-control
always seems to emanate from celibate persons who never
themselves run the risk of having to get up three times
every night to change a diaper! As far as we know!
Once again, I am not concerned with all that. It would be
stretching a point to talk of a contraceptive sheath as a
"toy". It might be said to be closer to a
"tool", without any intentional pun. Rather, I
want to discuss what, until about 40 years ago was an esoteric
subject, at the dim fringe of sexuality, but which now, day
by day and year by year comes more into the limelight. Sex-toys
for adults!
Writing as I am for American readers, I have to admit right
now that I am uncertain about the historical background of
my subject in your country. I am very sure of my position
as far as Europe is concerned, and also about the position
in America today and for at least 20 years back. In Europe
there has been a certain, mostly concealed market for sex
toys for several centuries, but until about 100 years ago
it was small indeed, and deeply hidden. The growth of the
market and the revelation of its products was not fast from
about 1870 until 1920, but after the First World War it took
off and began to make a definite public impact through the
l920's and the 1930's. There was a halt during the Second
World War, and then the development of the market began in
earnest. Today it is a significant industry, showing a rate
of growth that almost any other industry would envy. I have
reason to believe that it is growing, not in cash turnover
but in volume of product units at least 100% per annum (which
means that it is quadrupling every two years). In money terms,
allowing for inflation, the increase will be very much higher
than that.
This is true for Europe and, in the past 25 years is also
true for the United States, but before the Second War, I
believe that the market for sex toys in America was
insignificant. There was, admittedly a certain half-concealed
market, for "Electric Belts", "Shoulder-Braces"
and "Surgical Supporters", but one can hardly count
these because there is no way of knowing what percentage of
sales were to people who actually did suffer from rheumatism,
sagging shoulders or aching testicles!
You will have to pardon me if I tell you frankly, that until
at least 1950, America, viewed through European eyes was
considered to be extremely naive and, in the very worst sense
of the word "innocent".
This is probably the fault of Hollywood, with its nauseating
combination of Old American schmaltz and cowboys; but the
impression was very real, and in many quarters, reinforced
by late-night movies, it still lingers. It is, of course,
not our fault if your national public relations work was,
for so long, left in the wrong hands. I agree, this may
all be nonsense, comparable to the parallel absurdity of
the Englishman as seen in America, prior to 1950. You know
the kind of thing. "Stiff upper lip", "Looking
down his nose at the world", "America wins all the
wars in the field and loses them in London", "They
hired the money, didn't they?", and so-on. It is a pity
that we did not understand one another better; there is still
a lot to be done before we overcome the barrier of a common
language!
It was only almost by accident that English became the national
language of America instead of French. I am inclined to think it
would have been much better for both sides if America HAD adopted
French as its languages. Then neither side would have understood
the sneers and insults, and we'd have made more effort to try to
understand one another!
Still, however it arose, the fact remains that the impression
we have is that until about 1950, American attitudes toward
what one might call the "shadow pleasures" of life,
including liquor and sex were naive in the extreme. And if you
resent this, you may reflect that it was America, under tremendous
pressure from Non-Conforming Protestants, that tried so disastrously
to abolish the liquor trade, and not England!
I guess it would be true to say that the first "sex toys"
ever, were instruments of punishment, and at that stage it is quite
impossible to say how much of the trade was "legitimate"
and how much entirely sexual in it significance. In days when every
man and most women had to know how to ride or drive a horse, the
possession of at least one whip was more or less mandatory. If
men with some frequency, and women less frequently, found a
certain sexual pleasure from administering the whip—or receiving
it in person—it is still not legitimate to describe the possession
of a whip, until 1930 at least, as ownership of a sex- toy.
Today, with certain very small exceptions, there can be no doubt
about it! You cannot possibly believe that the performance of
your Ford or Volkswagen will be improved by a good thrashing!
Therefore, unless you are a jockey or show-jumper the chances
are that ownership of a whip betrays you as a person who either
likes to use some kind of sex-toy, or HOPES TO BE ABLE TO DO
SO! (I do not now include cowboys in the category of legitimate
whip-owners.
Bing Crosby gave the game away years ago when he sang about how
he "Rode the range in a Ford V-8!") It is impossible
for any normal person to witness corporal punishment without
feeling strong emotion, even if only of the "There, but
for the Grace of God go I" variety. There can be pity,
revulsion, disgust and even hatred of the authority that
passed sentence and the creature of authority who administers
the punishment. However, try as one may to overlook it, it
is also undeniable that the strongest emotion aroused by
witnessing corporal punishment is sexual excitement. What
is more, providing the punishment is not brutal, a similar
sexual excitement is aroused in the victim and in the executioner.
I shall not enter here into the reasons why this should be so.
They are fairly clear-cut, and I have dealt with them
comprehensively elsewhere in other articles and in my
many books, to which I refer you. At this stage I shall
content myself with saying that it is so. Now, until about
the middle of this century in England, and probably in
America too, the only places where corporal punishment was
often used, but was kept below the level of brutality were
in the home and in the schools. Corporal punishment in penal
institutions and in military circles was still disgustingly
cruel, although that is now almost entirely abolished, with
advantage to everyone. While accepting that sexual excitement
was to be derived by onlookers and executioners in displays
of brutal whippings, we shall ignore that aspect, because
there is no way in which one can consider a cat-o-nine-tails
for instance, or the Russian Knoutas "sex-toys". To
use such a dreadful implement as a sex- toy would be about
equivalent to giving a child a real submachine gun, fully
loaded, to play with at kindergarten! It must always be
remembered that, for instance, in Naval floggings, in the
British Navy until late in the 19th century, approximately
one third of all men flogged died inside a week, while one
third were permanently crippled. There is not a lot of fun
in that!
It was in the home, and at school that the idea of sex-fun
first crept in, and whence was derived the idea of sex-toys
that led to the present-day industry. A direct result of
caning and birching at school has always been masturbation.
Not only the victim, but also the observers habitually masturbate
after this kind of punishment.
One can only conjecture about the behavior of the schoolteachers
who administered such punishment! No doubt most of them would
have claimed that they were unmoved by it, although it is
difficult to understand why. Schoolteachers do not give any
sign of being made of better, more moral, or emotion-stronger
metal than the rest of society, anything the contrary!
And in the home, how many boys had their first erection, and
their first ejaculation while being spanked across the knees
of a parent or nursemaid can only be conjectured. Certainly,
during the days when it was firmly believed that "to spare
the rod was to spoil the child," this was common. One
wonders, too, how many stern husbands, be- whiskered and
silk-hatted, found considerable pleasure in reconciliation
and forgiveness after they had warmed their wives' bottoms
or backs with a whip or strap.
One gets glimpses of this, as in aircraft flying at 20,000
feet one gets glimpses of towns and fields through gaps in
the clouds, in the literature of the day; in the novels, in
the magazines. But even so, it would be stretching a point
to describe a whip or riding crop as a "sex toy",
even when it was used as such, when its owner had a horse
tied up at the hitching post outside. Since the Second War,
however, the matter is not in doubt. If a man owns a whip,
cane, tawse, crop or quirt, it is a sex-toy! And remember
that toys fall generally into two categories. There are the
toys one can do something with, and there are the toys one
can only look at and fantasize about! I have known, as you
probably have, children who own a great heap of toys, but
will leave them all to play with two bits of wood and a
brass bolt. What the child puts into his toy is far more
important to him that what the toy puts into him! So with
a whip. No doubt some whips are used as sex-toys. A very
large umber are so used, I am sure.
But a far greater umber are hoarded, kept in secret and
fantasized. If one is a masochist, one may keep a whip or
their implement, hidden carefully away. When he opportunity
arises, one takes it out, handles it lovingly, and imagines
how it would feel to haven't laid across one's buttocks by a
dominant man or Oman, according to one's taste. The result,
in the form of sexual excitement is exactly what it would be
if the whip were actually used! In truth, it is probably far
more sexually exciting than a good whipping would be. It is
a fact that fantasies are almost without exception far more
pleasant than any real experience. The masochist might well
find that a real whipping would be very painful and
unpleasant-but his dream will give him the masochistic
sexual pleasure he craves.
The same thing applies in reverse to the sadist, with
the possible exception that he may find the experience
even more pleasant than the fantasy, because it is not
his buttocks that are being burned! Both of them will,
in any event, be driven to fantasy simply because it
is still extremely difficult for most people to arrange
to turn such fantasies into reality. It is easy for a
man to fantasy that he is whipping his wife while they
are having intercourse, and this may well help him to
reach a level of pleasure beyond what he would otherwise
experience. Or his fantasy may take the form of being
whipped by his wife, or another woman. He may even
fantasize one way today and another tomorrow, depending
on his state of mind at the time, because sexual sadism
and sexual masochism are merely two sides of one coin.
But outside fantasy, the chances are that if he were to
try to whip his wife, or to invite her to whip him, she
would react in one of several ways. She might take off
to Reno or Mexico the next morning, seeking a quick divorce.
Or she might hold the suggestion over his head for the rest
of his life as proof of his moral degeneracy. Or she might
become terrified of him because of this apparent aberration.
She might run home to Mother. Or she might give him a black
eye. There are other alternatives, all equally unpleasant!
Because there is perhaps one sexual sadist or masochist
among women for every thousand or so among men. So that
the chances of finding one in one's own bed are rather
remote!
What was that dictionary definition I gave you? Thing
meant for amusement, rather than for serious use."
A whip, cane or other implement of punishment that is
owned—or even longed for—but not used is, by that
definition clearly a "toy". A sex-toy for
an adult.
However, I am not basing my ideas about "toys for
adults" on the mere possession of an implement for
corporal punishment! I will allow you your rationalization
about it. It belonged to your grandfather, or you keep it
in case you ever need to horsewhip a young man for seducing
your daughter, or you may one day buy a horse and keep it
in your apartment in New York or Chicago. I won't argue
with that. I don't have to!
I will, however, just add this. Among many other preoccupations,
I am one of Europe's leading designers, makers and exporters
(principally to America) of toys for adults, and among my
designs are nine different kinds of devices for mild corporal
punishment, none of which would in any way inconvenience a
horse!. In total, during 1973 I exported just over 1000
assorted implements, most of which must by now have been
sold because repeat orders continue to arrive. They range
from small breast and penis whips, which do little more than
tickle and titillate, to leather Disciplines, designed to be
used on one's own person without any outside help. To say
that I believe these implements are bought as sex-toys would
be the understatement of the year. THEY HAVE NO OTHER PURPOSE!
Still, I'll let that go. One swallow does not make a summer,
I agree.
Soon after the end of the American Civil War, something
occurred of lasting international importance, something
that had far more effect upon all our lives than, for
instance the promulgation of the Monroe Doctrine or the
establishment of the United Nations! Two men, working
separately and in different countries, discovered how
to cure and vulcanize rubber, by the use of heat and
sulpher. If that had never been done, the automobile
would not have been possible.
From our immediate point of view, the extraordinary thing
is that within ten years of the production of the first
rubber-coated cloth, there arose a demand for very special
types of rubber clothing. The use of rubber-cloth for rainwear
was obvious enough. In fact, this was the first use to which
it was put and, throughout the life of the product the main
use. One cannot appreciate, at this distance in time, what
a blessing to mankind the invention of the Macintosh must
have been. The reduction in common colds, pleurisy, pneumonia
and rheumatic complaints alone make it a development not less
important to human happiness than penicillin!
Nevertheless, within a decade of the rubber cloth becoming
available, there were people in Europe, and also in America,
having all kinds of unusual garments made from rubber-cloth,
even though such material was quite unsuitable for the
ostensible purpose. (It is always necessary to permit people
to rationalize their cravings! When, some decades ago, it
became standard procedure to issue free rubber contraceptives
to British navy sailors going on leave in foreign ports, they
refused almost to a man to accept them. The inference that
they were going ashore to get drunk and pick up a prostitute
was quite unacceptable to their self-esteem. However, when a
notice was placed by the bin, pointing out that the use of a
condom was an excellent way of preventing disease and preserving
health, the objection ceased at once. It is one thing to be
considered as a sensible man who will try at all times to keep
himself fit, and quite another to be thought of as a mere animal
whose long-repressed cravings have to be satisfied!) The volume
of demand for such garments was not high enough to interest any
large-scale manufacturers, so inevitably small tailors and
dressmakers began to cater for it. Such things as underpants
and trousers were ordered, WITH THE RUBBER COATING ON THE INSIDE.
Bed sheets were in demand, and night-shirts, also coated inside.
The ordinary, double-breasted and belted Macintoshes of the day
were ordered, with the rubber-coated cloth doubled so that it
appeared on the outside normally, and also on the inside. Such
Macintoshes were quite impractical, simply because the wearer
would have sweated so much that in heavy rain he would be wetter
on the inside than on the outside. Yet I have a small collection
of broadsheets and brochures, brown now and brittle with age, in
which such items were listed and illustrated as long ago as 1880.
Even then there was enough demand to merit printing such small
catalogues. The prices, by today's standards are absurdly low,
but by comparison with prices then current in the mail order
catalogues of firms that sold ordinary merchandise, it is obvious
that customers were willing to pay heavily "over the odds"
for "unusual" rubber clothing. For instance, in 1882
one could buy a black rubber-cloth Macintosh of high quality
for sixteen shillings— about $1.00 at today's rate of exchange,
and about a week's wages for a day laborer in England in 1882.
A similar Macintosh, lined with rubber, offered in a small brochure
would cost four pounds, or the equivalent of $6, a week's wage for
a middle-management executive of the day. A pair of underpants in
rubber-cloth, with the rubber inside, cost almost ten times as
much as an ordinary pair in fine wool.
Of course, it must be admitted that these eccentric rubber-cloth
garments were sold "For the cure of asthma, bronchitis and
rheumatic fever", as well as even more unusual diseases
(rationalization at work again!) but even this makes it difficult
to understand the very high prices. Unless, as I am quite sure,
it was considered that there was something "shameful"
about them, and that they were, in consequence, on a kind of
Black Market.
By "shameful" I mean "sexual", the two
words being synonymous from about 1830 until 1930,both in
Europe and America. The aura of shame still lingers! With
the usual interval for war, 1914 to 1918 (sadomasochists do
not require any extra stimulation - when there's a war on.
They get all the fear, anxiety, discomfort, pain and cruelty
they want, and more, legally and honorably in war!), the
demand for rubber clothes developed through the between-wars
period. New materials were introduced, including rubber-covered
satin, a most impractical cloth because it tears at a glance
and is almost impossible to keep free from unsightly creases.
But it was not until about 1950 that this market, too, took
off like a jet-plane. It was the introduction of latex sheeting
that sparked off this resurgence in the rubber-clothing industry.
Latex, as its name implies, is made from the rubber "milk"
or latex, which is kept fresh and brought from the tropics at low
temperature, and is then processed. Prior to this, most rubber had
been smoked and put up in slabs, which on arrival were ground to
powder and mixed with a volatile solvent. The sheet was made, the
solvent evaporated, and a film of rubber was left. It stretched;
it would be colored quite well; it had a strong odor of
sulpher and petroleum, and it tore at a touch!
By contrast, latex sheeting does not contain sulpher or solvent;
it has little odor, and what it has is pleasant. It stretches up
to four or five times its length without breaking and, except in
special circumstances, does not tear. It is, in fact, almost ideal
for making what the latex sheet manufacturers call "fun
clothes", except for one very great drawback. Latex
sheeting cannot be welded or sewn. The only way to make up
clothing from it is to cut each piece out by hand, with sharp
scissors, and to glue the parts together laboriously by hand.
Even ten years ago this was not excessively limiting, but today
in Europe and America, labor costs are so high, that the cost
of such clothing is becoming prohibitive.
Still the demand continues, and therefore two developments may
be expected. First, someone will take his know-how and a supply
of latex sheeting to some country where labor costs are still
low, such as Spain, South Korea or Taiwan and set up a production
unit there, But it will not be long, with world-wide escalation
of costs before this, too becomes prohibitive. Then, inevitably,
there will be a change of material from natural rubber to some
kind of plastic film, which can be machine-welded. There is,
after all, nothing sacrosanct about rubber sheeting as material
for adult sex-toys. It has been available only a century. While
existing rubber-customers will be annoyed and upset at the loss
of the material they have grown to like and become accustomed to,
there are always new customers pushing into the market, and they
will not care what film is used so long as it gives the effect
they require. The one quality that is lacking at present, but
I'm sure that within reasonable time some industrial chemist
will find a way of linking the molecules of a synthetic material
so that it will have all the stretch and recovery qualities of
natural rubber. With that achieved, the main objection to plastic
will disappear, and with low assembly costs due to the use of
high-frequency welding instead of laborious hand-gluing, garments
of synthetic rubber will take the place at present occupied by
those of the natural material.
If you are not alive to the very powerful fascination that
rubber clothing exerts over very many people, you may find
it difficult to understand why I should describe such things
as "adult sex- toys".
Certainly they are well covered by our definition, "Thing
meant for amusement, rather than for serious use." The
rubber clothes that are sold in considerable volume throughout
Europe and North America today HAVE no serious use—from one
point of view at any rate. They do not keep the wearer warm
or cool according to the weather; being so thin, they do
nothing to protect the skin from abrasion; they do not,
directly at least, boost his ego as other clothes can do,
because they are rarely if ever worn in public. (At any rate,
they are rarely SHOWN in public, although they are often worn
concealed under ordinary clothing in public.) Bluntly, the
"serious use" of rubber clothing is to provide
sexual stimulation, and of course this is serious business
indeed. The difficulty arises entirely from the fact that
while all mankind—and much of womankind—constantly seek
sexual stimulation, the seeking of it and indeed the finding,
except under certain very limited conditions, is still usually
considered reprehensible! The use of "soft lights and
sweet music", accompanied by food and drink and, to some
extent, soft fabrics is considered generally legitimate, probably
because, with the possible exception of liquor (which stimulates
desire while at the same time diminishing accomplishment), none
of these factors is exceptionally potent as an aphrodisiac. We
may therefore conclude that, socially, a MILD aphrodisiac of
the kind I have mentioned is acceptable, while a POWERFUL
aphrodisiac, which is what sex-toys are, is not acceptable.
Therefore, this whole business, including the making, sale
and purchase of rubber clothing is still conducted sub rosa.
However, social attitudes are changing rapidly—not always for
the better, but sometimes with improvement—and it will probably
not be long before synthetic rubber clothing is openly and
publicly offered for sale.
Inevitably, it will first be offered, not as an aphrodisiac,
but as a prophylactic, and indeed this has been taking place
on a small scale in the UK, USA and elsewhere for over ten
years. There is some not inconsiderable sales promotion of
plastic film "slimming garments", even though it
has been conclusively proved, time and again that there is
not a shred of truth in the claims made for them. In fact,
plastic "slimming garments" are bought and worn by
people, mostly women, who unconsciously are seeking a sex
stimulant. If such clothing was openly offered as an aphrodisiac,
they would not buy it.
It would be "disgraceful". So they buy them ostensibly
for slimming, do not lose weight, but accept as a pleasant
substitute the sexual stimulation they discover in themselves
and their men when they wear such things.
Since it is still generally impossible for people in our
kind of civilization to accept that sexual stimulation,
outside the procreation of children is proper", it
cannot be considered as "serious Therefore, rubber
garments can only fall into the category of "for
amusement", which makes them toys!
Where the possession of such things as whips and canes
may be easily rationalized, even today, it is much more
difficult to rationalize the possession of rubber clothing
of no apparent practical use.
However, as we have seen, this can be done by making the
false claim that the inevitable sweating that accompanies
the wearing of impermeable clothes, is in fact slimming.
Very tight rubber briefs for men can be rationalized as
"supporting". I have even seen close- fitting
hood-masks in rubber rationalized as "good for the
complexion"!
But we shall now turn, finally, to a group of products which
cannot be rationalized. They have to be accepted as aphrodisiac,
as sex-stimulants, and consequently as adult toys. I refer to the
wide group of products which are often generically described as
"restraints".
They include all kinds of bonds, from simple handcuffs to
devices of leather and other materials which can be used
to make a person absolutely helpless. The range includes
items that cause anything from mild discomfort to quite
severe pain, among them many that fall into the category
of "genital punishment". Used by folk who are
not concerned with the sadomasochistic syndrome such things
would be quite meaningless. To those who are, they are
directly aphrodisiac.
In the same way, to many people an even mild whipping would
be a punishment, an unpleasant experience to be avoided almost
at all costs. To a masochist it can be very stimulating sexually;
it is an aphrodisiac.
"Restraints", within the limited definition I am
using, have absolutely no serious use. (If you accept my
suggestion that, in our society sex-stimulation may not be
considered "serious"). No matter what the approach
road may be, the ultimate goal of whips and canes, rubber
clothes and "restraints", is sex-stimulation—not
for the "legitimate" purpose of procreation, but
for what we might define as "fun".
A leading British manufacturer of latex sheeting, which has
a number of important industrial uses, states in his literature
that his product is also suitable "for the making of fun
and leisure wear".
Even ten years ago, another manufacturing firm from whom my
company was buying upwards of 1000 yards a month of latex
sheeting entirely for making "fun and leisure wear flatly
refused to accept any suggestion that the latex was being used
for such a purpose! I had to order it "for industrial
use"!) Now, while most of us like "fun" of
one kind or another—and mostly of one kind—you must agree
that in our society fun is still not quite acceptable or
respectable. Sex-fun is considered reprehensible by a large
part of the populace, even though most of them seek it—which
probably accounts for the fact that Europe and America are
largely populated by crazy mixed-up kids of all ages from 14
to 85 years old! While one may stretch a point in considering
whips and canes, and agree that they may possibly be owned against
the day you emulate the Marshall from Texas in riding a horse down
Fifth Avenue; and while one may settle for the illusion that hundreds
of thousands of women and some men still are foolish enough to
believe that plastic garments can be slimming, there is no
possibility of ducking around the facts about restraints. Apart
from sex-stimulation, they have no "serious use", and
if we may not accept sex-stimulation as "serious",
then they are solely for "amusement" and therefore
can only be classified as "toys"!
Now, again if you are not personally involved, you may be
inclined to look down your nose and consider all this to
be very unpleasant.
What's more, you may feel it to be needlessly complicated,
and in a way it is. To arrive at orgasm via being strapped
into a leather restraint while wearing rubber clothing and
then to be whipped, is an extremely complicated way of getting
there. However, you must not overlook the fact that there are
plenty of folk in the world who, able to travel by jet-plane,
still seem to get a lot of pleasure and satisfaction from
rowing across the Atlantic, swimming the English Channel,
or passing from the USA to Canada via a tight rope stretched
across Niagara Falls! There are others who prefer to raise an
appetite for dinner by taking a couple of glasses of chilled
dry sherry rather than sinking that hooker of frozen gin which
has been passed close to a bottle of dry vermouth and is known
as a Dry Martini—probably the finest invention of American
civilization!
The French say, "It is better to travel than to arrive",
and this may be applied to sex as much as to any other activity.
After all, when one arrives one is at one's destination and there's
nowhere else to go, at least for some time!
And, on a more serious note, you must appreciate that there are
many folk who are unable to find complete sexual pleasure outside
sadomasochism. The proportion is very high indeed, and before you
get too high and mighty about it, you might well consider whether,
in fact, you yourself do not fall into that category! Obviously
there is an element of humiliation for a man in allowing a woman
to tie him up and beat him, and in that context the humiliation
itself, as a psychic pain, may be what the masochist seeks. Yet
we all know how sweet a reconciliation can be after a domestic
row, and since inevitably reconciliation depends upon one partner
submitting to the other, the submission itself can be a masochistic
pleasure which will sweeten an eventual sexual conjugation. At the
same time, the other partner who does not submit, may well get
sexual stimulation from the sadistic attitude. If, in marriage
or otherwise, you are prone to rows, the chances are, not that
your marriage is worse than any other— and at best it can only
be a compromise between irreconcilables!—but that you, or your
partner, or both are deliberately seeking the aphrodisiac effect
of eventual submission or domination!
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