Courting A Dominant Woman
A few words of advice for submissive men who wish for success
in the courtship process:
Not all, but certainly most of the heterosexual dominant
women I've known want a guy who's got a lot on the ball.
They want to be impressed, and BTW, they want to be made
to feel special: to be courted. Sub males have a slightly
different script to follow when courting a dominant woman,
but it's not *that* different. Be polite, punctual,
well-groomed, and *please* NO intimate gifts, such as
panties or stockings, until you are actually intimate.
You may bring flowers, if she likes them, but red roses
are inappropriate for a first encounter. Yellow roses
tell her you are terrified of displeasing her, go for
the gold.
It is important to be honest about your strengths and
weaknesses, if she asks, but keep a *little* mystery,
will ya? Don't dump your whole life story, especially
in your first conversation/letter. You are trying to
get to know her a little, and let her get to know you.
If you get a clear, unmistakable sign from her that to
her you could possibly be more than a friend,
and
if you like her, *then* you turn on the charm and do
your darnedest to win her over.
Lots of men and women who meet through ads or S/M
support groups make the mistake of rushing off to
have dinner together. This is wrong. First, take a
walk together. If that doesn't quickly become
tiresome, then you may get coffee, even lunch
together. Then you stop! Then you go home! Send
her a note of thanks for the fine company, call
on the phone to ask if you may visit again, and
leave it up to her. If she doesn't encourage
you, give up!
Let's assume the lady in question has requested
that you consider yourself to be in the running.
Groovy, but you are not out of the woods. She
doesn't own you yet, and *you don't own her*.
Bear in mind that you probably have competition
for her attention, so keep your best foot forward,
and make your mind up to be sporting.
Getting to know such a woman goes by degrees:
-
One way or another you get one another's names, this
is called "We've met."
-
You hang out at the same places. This is called
"We're acquainted."
-
You like her a lot and wish to date her. This is,
"I admire her." (She might admire you,
too.)
-
You walk, have lunch, call on the phone. Called,
"I'm seeing her."
-
You go on a date for dinner, and dancing or a
show. "We went out."
-
You spend Saturday naked at her place doing
housework and cooking for her, maybe she lets
you touch her somewhere. You ask to know if
there are many rivals for her love. This is
called, "We had a great time together
Saturday."
-
(This is where the *red* roses come in) She
has let you know that she prefers *your* company.
You decide to seriously allow yourself to be shaped
into her complete love slave, if she'll have you.
You fling your heart and everything attached to
it at her feet. She graciously accepts. This is
known as, "We're pretty serious about each
other."
-
(This is where the worthless worm part comes in)
You have your first serious disagreement, meaning
you don't let her win. You stick to your guns. She
concedes the point because it's not worth a blow-up,
then hates herself and you. You leave, while both of
you are thinking that the relationship is doomed. You
wisely decide that serious groveling can be fun, so you
abase yourself and beg her forgiveness (bringing a
valuable gift, preferably precious metal. If you
have shared an orgasm before now, you must include
a gemstone). This is, "Sometimes I can be such
an idiot."
-
If she hasn't mentioned it before now, then now you
ask if she intends to collar and claim you.
-
If she's not sure, ask how she'd feel about you
acting like a free man. If she says you are
free, better believe it, and start dating other
ladies again.
-
If she wants to claim you, open up about any
things you have reservations about, then ask
again. If she then has doubts, see 9a.) This
is called, "We had a very serious discussion
about us."
-
She decides to claim you as her own. You
share the happy news with your S/M pals by
saying "I'm owned! I am property! I belong
to mistress (her name) and I'm helpless in her
glorious hands!" To your vanilla friends you
say, "I'm engaged!" In any case, you give
her a ring. A Really Nice One.
-
You begin to politic with each other about every
niggling thing in the relationship. This isn't called
anything. Nobody talks about this part, but everybody
does it (it's necessary to make progress).
-
Eventually, you share a household. It is her house.
You wash her undies for her. You notice that her undies
aren't worthy of her heavenly pelvis. NOW you buy her
underwear! You say, "Darling, I got something for
you today!"
This essay and all site contents Copyright
L. Goodwin
1990 -2001
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