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Rituals by Mistress Steel
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SteelBfl@sonic.net Ritual: Formal or customarily repeated act or series of actions... Ritual's are most often associated with religious faith's or belief's but in actuality they exist throughout our daily lives under other names. Some are habits, some are routines or duties. All of them are patterns that we follow in the performance of daily tasks. By doing actions in certain patterns we 'feel' better or tend to believe that something has been done properly. In extension this can be a form of direct homage or offering of respect even. The removal of or altering of patterns within our lives causes instant and severe stress on the individual. We tend to feel secure 'within' our known habits. Things 'outside' of those norms are always different and may make us feel 'out of control'. We often find ourselves doing things the 'proper' way. This can be all the way down to such things as deciding whether the toilet paper should fall over the top or pull down from under the bottom. Such detail may seem idiotic when looked at externally but within the individual things 'out of proper order' lead to feelings of insecurity or disconnection. We create ritual's, habits and patterns to help us manage or cope with our lives. Within these ritual's we are 'in control' and existence or even reality can appear measured and understandable. For many people within the BDSM community there is an enhanced desire for new ritual's. Performance of an action to 'demonstrate' proper respect and or even adoration toward (generally) the Dominant. However I should note here that often the Dominant creates and performs rituals upon/with or FOR the submissive as a significant part of maintaining the relationship bonding. Presentation Rituals: There are numerous presentation rituals. Essentially a presentation ritual is a customary pattern of actions that the Dominant within the relationship creates for the submissive to learn and use when that submissive presents themselves IN submissive role BEFORE that Dominant. The individual ritual is designed around the circumstances particular to the submissive and their role or roles within the relationship. Some general or broad rituals will be described below. Public Greetings: Within most public meetings there is generally a desire to maintain relationship privacy while at the same time demonstrate true pleasure and respect. The Dominant within the relationship should instruct the submissive prior to meeting in the exact manner or language they find acceptable for a socially open meeting. Many Dominant's do not allow a submissive to address them using their proper name which forces the submissive into addressing the Dominant as Sir or Ma'am in public. In general most Dominant's do NOT wish to be openly associated with the BDSM community in public and do NOT wish for their submissive to address them as Master or Mistress outside of tightly controlled circumstances. By addressing your Dominant as Sir or Ma'am you immediately fall into normal or 'vanilla' formal or detached proper social behavior. This type of protocol will serve a submissive quite well in virtually ALL situations. Formal etiquette creates a 'distance' between the two people and demands responses that are less 'familiar' than say those demonstrated between lovers or close friends. In addition many Dominant's do NOT allow a submissive to touch them without permission. A submissive should wait for the Dominant to indicate through body language (such as an extended hand <to shake> or open arms <to hug>) when such touching is permissible. If a Dominant does NOT indicate this then the submissive should NOT attempt to promote it or force it by extending their own hand or arms. It is customary for a submissive to follow a protocol of lowered eyes as well and show deference to and before their Dominant until, unless or when that Dominant should give them formal permission to 'lift eyes'. Private Presentation: This type of presentation can vary in literally hundreds of ways so I shall simply describe a few options to show what types of ritual's can be easily created. In general when a Dominant and submissive are alone there is a mutual desire for a full expression or demonstration of role between them. This ritual is an offering and the submissive should consider that EVERY time they present themselves the QUALITY of the presentation should be a full reflection of their FEELINGS for that Dominant, the respect and admiration they have for him/her, the desire they have to serve and give of themselves fully into the care and concern of that Dominant. The object is not to simply kneel quickly, but to kneel beautifully, joyously and fully. A presentation can be luscious, sensual, erotic and completely unique to the individual couple. It can also be interactive... A male submissive enters the room and halts (awaiting permission to present). When the command comes the submissive begins to remove clothing in an order and manner pleasurable to the observing Dominant folding his clothing in a neat pile until he is completely naked. At that point he may await instructions to approach closer and fully present. This may require for him to assume a crawling position which he will then use to crawl toward the foot of his Mistress. Often this type of presentation will culminate with full prostration at the foot of but not physically touching the Mistress. A submissive performing this type of presentation should consider 'how' they appear and they may wish to practice this type of crawl many times to perfect various slinking movements that creates an appearance of erotic sensuality. (There are examples of presentation language in the article titled 'Creating your First Scene' for those wishing information on the physical presentation of the body!) - Do remember that a submissive can present fully clothed should that be the Dominant's desire as well. A female submissive enters the room and almost dances across the room till she stands just before her Master. She waits silently until a tiny finger movement from his hand indicates to her that she has permission to descend at his feet into her presentation position. She pivots gracefully before descending silently before him kneeling in a position that she knows is attractive, expository, deferential and respectful. A male submissive enters the room and lowers his eyes shyly. He comes to a halt and waits nervously. He is ordered to raise his arms. Hands begin to slowly undress him, during the process his entire body is examined, touched and commented upon until he remains standing fully naked with his hands behind his back in a position similar to a military parade rest position. The ritualized removal of his clothing leaves him feeling aroused, excited, nervous and within or inside the control of his Dominant. A female submissive returns home from work. She steps inside the door to the home she shares with her Master and begins removing her work clothing without leaving the foyer. When she is completely naked she opens the hall door and retrieves her heavy working collar and places it about her neck locking it firmly. She then kneels silently before the threshold where the house carpet begins. She leans forward and presses her face to the floor carefully repeating her mantra offering statement into the silence of the otherwise empty house. He (her Master) is always with her, visible or invisible. Upon completing her offering she rises, gathering up her clothing and proceeds through the house to attend to the tasks of her daily life. Creating these types of rituals reinforces many things between the Dominant and submissive. It enhances the sensations of security. It is important for the Dominant to clearly teach or show the submissive what they personally desire and expect from the submissive. A Dominant should NOT assume that a submissive will just 'know' things. A large majority of rituals are based on military positions and formal or court etiquette. A submissive may have been 'inside' the lifestyle for 20 years yet they cannot possibly know YOUR individual needs and requirements. Design rituals around simple forms which are pleasing that your individual submissive can easily (physically) accomplish. These rituals are often called 'homage rituals' since a large percentage of those initially created are used to directly reinforce the roles of Master/Mistress - slave. The submissive is giving 'homage to' their Dominant. However, if you are working on a long term relationship then you will find that patterns of proper response behavior will become prevalent throughout the whole of the relationship. It is expected that the submissive will adapt TO the Dominant and that the Dominant will create FOR the submissive rituals or patterns which are good FOR and unique TO the individual submissive. As a dear friend of mine once said, the submissive is very much like the climbing rose clinging to and wrapping about the sturdy frame of the Dominant, who is likened to the strong, durable trellis which is supporting the submissive's beauty. Both need the other to flourish. A Dominant should create a small number of ritual's which they should train their submissive to follow. They should repeat or use these simple ritual's as often as possible to enhance and reinforce the connections between themselves and their submissive. Repetition creates a habit, eventually a habit becomes so internalized that it is simply part of the response, not requiring active thought at all. This is essentially how you 'train' anyone to do anything. It is the desire for the submissive to 'do' as you wish for them without 'stress' or conflict. With a perfectly trained submissive the responses become so fluid as to become automatic. Eventually the submissive will fully claim the response as part of their normal or natural responses. It will become integrated and simply WHO they are. At that point they will tend to feel 'part of' their Dominant. An extension of that which they adore.
all rights reserved by Mistress Steel comments or email
SteelBfl@sonic.net The information on this page is designed to inform and entertain, it is not meant to offer professional or legal advice. The content of this webpage may be excerpted from Extreme Space, The Domination and Submission Handbook, Safe, Sane and Consensual, Dangerous Choices or other books by F.R.R. Mallory, all the content is copyright protected under United States and International Copyright Law. Please click on the book title for information on how you can order a copy of these books and others by F.R.R. Mallory. For limited release, re-posting, web-sharing information regarding any of the articles on this website, or to sign up for the Steel-Door Newsletter direct mailing, please email SteelBfl@sonic.net |
