SLAVE SAFETY

Advice from one slave to his brothers

A NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR'S SIR

This is to acknowledge that the following was written by a fellow brother, brother coyote (Mstrscoyte@aol.com) and written under the direction of coyote's MASTER, CONTROL (CaLthrMstr@aol.com) whom allowed the founder of an E-Group permission to copy this piece for your viewing. Permission was granted under the condition of sharing what brother coyote had written with each member of this group. Any of the following can not be duplicated without the knowledge of brother coyote and permission of his MASTER, CONTROL.

Until YOU agree to submit, YOU are in control of what you do. Accept every Man you come across who says He is a Master as such As such, He deserves appropriate respect and deference. BUT, simply because He says He is a Master does not mean you owe Him submission. Your submission is a gift. You choose Who to give it to. And until you choose to give it to a Man, you remain in control and should exercise that control-but always, with respect and deference.

NEVER meet a Master for a session before first meeting to talk. Remember the phrase about bars? ...that the closer to 2 AM it gets, the better everyone looks.

Keep this in mind when online. EVERYONE can look good online. EVERYONE can say the right things, type the proper words. Enjoy cyber-but know it is only cyber until you meet.

If you have spent extensive time with Him online or on the phone and feel OK with Him, you might consider this as the meeting. But it still remains best to meet first-and always in a neutral place like a restaurant. Show Him respect and deference, but until YOU choose to submit, you remain in control of yourself even if you are at His place. Until you choose to give Him this control, accept His requests for you to undress, sit on the floor, or whatever, based on your decision to do so. No matter the tone in His voice, though, they are only requests until you accept them as orders to be followed.

1. It is best not to plan or expect a session at this first meeting. Let this be just a meeting to find out if the two of you click and want to continue. This is a good test of the sincerity of the Master. Almost all will tell you They want an ongoing thing. If this is true, and if They really want you, then there is no hurry. You can meet... and plan to have the session the next day, if you want.
2. Be totally and completely honest with potential Masters about what you seek, what your experience level is, what you fear, what you crave and what your limits are. Your ego and your desire to not disappoint a potential Master may make you want to exaggerate. It does no one any good if you tell a Master you can take a bull whip when you have never even been flogged hard.
3. A good Master is not so concerned with how intensely you can play as much as He is concerned with the fact you want to play. Good Masters are looking for reactions and growth. If They get a good reaction out of a slow, light flogging, They are as satisfied as if They get a good reaction out of a full force bull whipping. Well maybe not AS satisfied, but satisfied enough. And NEVER say you can take ANYTHING. You may find your forehead branded before the night is out.
4. Be totally honest with yourself about what you seek. There is an undercurrent in the leather community that a hierarchy exists among submissives. According to this "common wisdom", it is better to be 24/7 than part time, it is better to be a slave than a boy, etc. Don't fall into this trap.
5. What is best for you is whatever meets your specific desires and needs. To be a man who submits only in sessions because this is all he needs is as valid and as good as being a man who submits to the complete control of a Master on a 24/7 basis because this is what he needs. Don't let anyone, fellow submissive or Master, try to make you into something you do not need or want to be.
6. Follow your gut feeling about the Master. Even if your head cannot come up with specific reasons not to trust the Man, if your gut is sending any sort of red flags, listen to it. If you find you are talking yourself into submission to a specific Master, then He is not One for you. At the same time, learn to know the difference between fear of giving up control, which is good and exciting, and uncertainty about a particular Man's trustworthiness. Most of the Men you meet will be trustworthy and not a problem. But a few will not be.
7. When you meet with the Master, do as much interviewing as He does - but do it respectfully, of course. What are you trying to find out about Him? Several things. Does He respect you as a man? Does He respect you as a slave? Will He respect your limits? Does He understand your level of experience and will He work with it? Does He have experience and/or skills in the type of activity He wants to do or is He just off in some fantasy trip? Do you like this Man as a person?
8. And, not unimportant, do you find this Man attractive either physically, personality-wise or because He has something to teach You? (Not every Master has to be a physical fantasy trip. Some may not be, but are well worth submitting to because you will learn a lot and They can give you exactly what you need).
9. One major thing to watch for is if the Master is concerned about your needs and desires, and about what you want to get out of this. If there is little discussion about your needs - and the entire thing is about His - He probably is not the Man you want for a long term situation. But He may be great for a quick session focused totally and completely on His. If you pick a Man like this to submit to, know you will probably need to get your own emotional and physical satisfaction out of it. He is not going to give it to you.
10. Never go to a first meeting or session (or even a second or third) thinking this Master may be good for a long term thing, or for total control outside of when You are together. You will find yourself hurt and disappointed when you do. 24/7 or full control develops over a long period of time, it is not created out of thin air.
11. When considering a Master for long term or total control outside of sessions, look at the total Man. You are going to spend a lot of time with this Him outside of sessions. Do you like Him THAT much? Can you deal with all His idiosyncrasies, bad habits, insecurities, and personal baggage for an on-going basis? If you think He doesn't have any of this stuff, then you have just not seen it. And if you have not seen it, then you do not know Him well enough for such a commitment.
12. Limits. Have two sets... temporary, which YOU decide when to lift and permanent ones, which always remain in place. You need to decide what these are. To help, here are the ones i used to use, and still do if my Master wants me to hunt for outside experiences.
13. Permanent: Safe sex. No scat. No blood. No drugs. Nothing illegal. No permanent damage physically, professionally, personally nor emotionally.
14. Temporary: Meet first. No total bondage, either legs or arms must be free at all times. (Yes, I want to be able to kick Him in the balls if I need to-or fight some other way). No blindfolds. No gags. Safe word. (We'll talk about this below).
15. You are the one who drops these, one at a time or all together, as you get comfortable and feel you can trust the Man. You may even decide to drop them in the first session. But use your head to decide when you drop them; not your cock. If by the third session with a Master, you still are not comfortable enough with Him to drop any of these, listen to your gut. You probably don't trust the Man enough and it is time to not see Him again.
16. (Having said all of this, know that all limits, even permanent ones, go away if You are owned-and owned for a LONG time! Once the trust is total, there is no need for any limits. But you choose when the permanent ones go as well, not your Master).
17. Try to get references on a particular Master before you commit to any sort of a session. Leather clubs and organizations are good for this, as are friends, and people you talk to online. A good reference from another bottom is better than any sort of assurance from the Master Himself.
18. What to do if you get a bad reference? Don't automatically reject the Master. Find out why the reference is bad. It could easily be that the two men simply did not click, or that the Master's interests did not correspond with the slave's. This happens between any two men and is not a sign that either one is not trustworthy or bad in some way. A disregard for safe words however, or ignoring limits are good reasons to call it off.
19. When you have your first session with a Master, no matter how well you think you have gotten to know Him, you need to protect yourself in case you have made a bad judgment call. There are many ways to do this. One of the most common is to tell a friend where you are going, the Master's name and the address and the phone number of where you will be, assuming you have it. Give your friend a time when you will call him to verify that you are OK. Tell your friend that if he does not hear from you by that time, he needs to take action to find you.
20. Make sure, though, that you give enough leeway in the timing so that the Master does not have cops knocking down His door because you thought the session would end at midnight and the Master is just getting going at that point. Also, make sure you DO call the friend if you are all right, even if it is from the Master's home. Let the Master know you have done this and that the friend is expecting to hear from you and at what time. A good Master will NOT be offended by this and will make sure you can make the call.
21. Safe words. Everyone talks about them. Almost every Master says He will respect them. But do not assume that because a Man says He will respect them that He will. Respecting safe words is an easy promise to make, and even easier to break. Accepting the word of a Master that He will respect a safe word is like assuming the white line in the street will automatically stop every car the moment you walk into the crosswalk. Most Masters will respect a safe word. But build some trust in Him first, before assuming anything along these lines.
22. You can test the Master in the first couple of sessions on how He will respond. When in some difficult position or whatever, make some noises indicating it is getting very hard and you want things changed. See what He does. An immediate response is not necessary from Him. He may want to see how far you can go. But a timely response to Your distress should be coming. If it is not, don't assume He will listen to a safe word.
23. When you are talking with a Master online, meeting one in a bar or meeting one for the first time, know that you are both doing a seduction dance with each other. And if you both play your role correctly, you are both going to get turned on.
24. Seduction and getting turned on is a good thing. But recognize it for what it is You are both finding the buttons that the other reacts to, and once found, you are both pushing them to get the reaction you want-He in taking control and you in submitting. But seduction is not real life, just a part of it. Wait until you meet and get to know the Man, before deciding this is One you really want to submit to.
25. Play the field. Kiss a lot of frogs before finding the prince. One thing many slaves, especially those who are just "coming out", do too often is to jump into serving a single Master exclusively and totally before they have figured out what it is they want and need. Resist this temptation, no matter how hard your dick gets or how fast your heart starts to beat when you first hear a Master speak the words you have only heard in your fantasies before.
26. Every Master worth His salt is going to be able to get you excited and going. This does not mean He is the one to latch on to full time. It just means that while You were together, it clicked. Get lots of experience. Compare the styles and manners of many Masters. Learn from each of them. Learn about Masters and, more importantly, learn about yourself and what it is you really seek from your submission. Once you have learned enough, especially about your own needs, then it is worth considering Someone as a full time Master.
27. Recognize that a Master without a boy are often as desperate as a boy without a Master. They too are human and They like to know that They can depend on having someone to play with and be with anytime They want. Plus, Masters generally have good-sized egos and want to be able to say They own one or more boys to impress other Masters.
28. Because of this, you will get a lot of pressure to commit full time, to go into full time training, or whatever. Resist this. Do not do it until you have decided that this IS the Man you want in this role. Indeed, one sign of a really good Master is One who offers this, but does not pressure in any way. This is a Man Who understands the tentativeness of the slave and is also One Who is confident enough He does not need a trophy.
29. Do not think early on that the Master feels towards you as you do towards the Master. It is very hard for a male to open himself up and become vulnerable to someone else. But this is exactly what we slaves do with a Master. When we do, it provides an amazing sense of relief and satisfaction. And in doing so, we feel a strong bond towards the Man who has seen us so open and vulnerable. We feel close to Him and want to be with Him.
30. But the Master does not do the same in an early session. He is not laying Himself bare to you. So, while He may like you, may have enjoyed the session and may want to see you again, don't assume He is feeling the same bond with you that you are with Him. Over time, He will feel this way. But not at first.
31. Do not mistake this bond you are feeling for love. This is why so many slaves decide after a couple of weeks that they have found the Master they have sought for so long. Then they are hurt and disappointed a few weeks later when it doesn't work out. Don't make this mistake.
32. Since it is seldom any of us experience real love in life, we do not know what love really feels like even though we seek it so desperately. As was said above, once you have laid yourself bare in a session, given that much control and submission to another Man, you are going to feel very close to Him. But this is not love. It is simply openness and a bond beginning to form. Enjoy the bond. But know that real love means that you know the Man well-not just the Master but the whole Man-and that you accept Him for what He is, warts and all.
33. Finally, remember this is all supposed to be fun and satisfying. If it is not, if you find the Master is causing you to be upset, worried, guilty, whatever... if you are NOT having fun and/or being satisfied, then don't play with Him. Find someone else. Too many boys take this all much too seriously and never really enjoy the hunt, never really enjoy the sex, never really enjoy the submission, never really enjoy the conquest of a Master, never really enjoy any of it. They work too hard and are too desperate.

Go out, enjoy, and have fun. It's the only reason to do this.

Prepared by the slave, coyote, under orders from his Master, Control, and based on the training his Master has given him.

Control: CaLthrMstr@aol.com

coyote: Mstrscoyte@aol.com