Where To Draw The Line

Choices of a Master and slave

By Norische

When one decides to become a Master or Mistress there are some very important questions that must be asked and answered. The most common question is what is the difference between a slave and a submissive? I have read books, and articles, attended orientations and speeches, and talked to hundreds of individuals about this one simple question. However there are other questions that need to be addressed as well.

When you consider a Master/Mistress and slave relationship you must consider what exactly a slave is. What rights is a slave allowed?

What behaviors are acceptable? What consequences are permitted?

These questions and ones like them should be addressed by the Master/Mistress and the slave during negotiations. When an arrangement for service is made there are many things that must be discussed… sleeping arrangements, finances, duties, obligations, and behaviors must all be analyzed and understood.

Here are ten such questions, each one I have answered based on my personal experience, and preferences. These are by no means the only questions that a Master/Mistress must address during negotiations, however they are very important questions.

1. Should a slave be allowed safe words?

   Many say that a slave is not allowed to have safe words, due to the fact that he or she is a slave. The first time that I was asked this question I responded by stating that the slave and the Master/Mistress should have gone through extensive negotiations in order to determine their possible compatibility, and in doing so any boundaries that the slave had should be duly noted in the contract agreement between the two parties. Hence there is no logical reason why a slave should have safe words, if the Master/Mistress is indeed following the guidelines of the original contract.

   Since that time I have found that there are many things that may come into play within a relationship that may or may not have been thought about during the negotiations. My submissive, betsy, has certain medical conditions and takes medication that may effect her pain threshold, or her ability to carry out certain instructions. Hence she is permitted safe words.

   On a standard I will allow a slave to use a safe word for a limited time, this will give me time to familiarize myself with him or her.

   To know where his or her pain threshold is, and to build the necessary trust that is present in any good relationship. I have found that for the most part, even though the safe word is still present, after about 6 months the slave no longer uses the word. Due both to the trust between myself and my slave, and the fact that I know his or her body, what they like and dislike, and where his or her limits are.

2. Should a slave be allowed to use a safe word to stop a punishment?

   This one is a very interesting question. If you give a slave the right to use a safe word, then that safe word must be observed at any time, no matter when or in what context.

   However, I do not punish by inflicted pain on an individual. I am a sadist, I enjoy inflicting pain…to me punishment is something that is meant to be unpleasant for both the recipient and the individual inflicting the punishment. I use other forms of punishment, such as quiet time, extra chores, standing in the corner, writing sentences, writing essays, the list goes on and on…it all depends on the transgression. So my answer is rather complex; if you allow safe words... honor them at all times. But consider non-physical punishments as an alternative.

3. Should a slave be allowed limits?

   During negotiations a slave should be allowed to voice any limits he or she has. Personally I feel everyone has limits, even if they will not admit to it. My limits are rather simple, no children, no animals, no dead people, no drugs, no age play, no breath play, no diapers, no scat, no urine, no gun play. Most of the time a slave will say something along the line of "my limits are your limits".

   That however may or may not be true, ask specifically if the slave has any phobias, such as claustrophobia... cages would then be a limit... some people over look phobias, and moral issues that may be forgotten until it is too late.

   A slave should not place something as a limit if he or she has no experience with it; a limit is an informed opinion not an uneducated fear.

4. Should a slave be allowed the option of choosing his or her sexual orientation?

   Some individuals have a real problem with homosexuality, it may be a moral or religious issue and they find themselves incapable of performing with individuals of the same sex. In such circumstances I feel that this issue should be placed in the contract as a limit.

   I personally prefer my individuals to be bisexual, that way if I desire them to perform in any specific manner there will be no issues. This is actually something that I look for in a slave, if I have guests over and I wish to give my male slave to a male Dominant for his entertainment then I do not wish to have a slave that behaves poorly or embarrasses me in front of guests.

5. Should a slave be allowed to choose and practice his or her preferred religion?

   This is one area that I feel a Master or Mistress has no place interfering in. My submissive is of Jewish heritage, although she is "pagan" by choice. During her first Christmas with me I bought her a Menorah, when I gave it too her she cried and stated that she had never had one of her very own. She informed me that no other Master or Mistress had ever cared about her religious preferences, and no one had ever made an effort to understand her beliefs. I feel that an individuals spiritual nature is part of what makes them who they are, and hence I feel it is very important for a Master/Mistress not to interfere in this portion of a slaves life, in fact he or she should encourage the slave to embrace their spiritual nature.

6. Should a slave be allowed vacation time?

   I give each of my slaves/subs two weeks vacation each year. I do this for several reasons, one to give them time to visit their friends and family, two to give them time on their own to rest and relax, and three to give us each time away from each other so we don't drive each other insane. I do require the slave/sub to let me know at least one month in advance and the vacation must be approved of by me, before the time is given off. This is also a good time that they can seek out additional training if they so choose.

7. Should a slave be allowed to refuse a command or directive that they find fault in, disagree with, or question?

   Within certain boundaries and if done in a proper, respectful manner then yes, the slave should be allowed to question any command or directive. However, I do believe that a Master/Mistress is by no means obligated to answer the questions or to explain him or herself.

   To refuse to follow a command, this should only be permitted if there are legal, safety or moral issues involved. If at anytime the Master/Mistress asks the slave to do anything that is illegal, or may put them in danger or knowingly asks them to do something that the slave has a moral issue with, the orders are improper and should be questioned.

8. Should a slave be allowed to pursue romantic interests outside the BDSM relationship?

   I do not feel that it is appropriate for a slave to pursue other individuals while he or she is serving a Master/Mistress.

9. Should a slave be allowed to refuse training or education if they so desire?

   I feel that all training has its good points, and that to increase the knowledge, understanding and/or skill of oneself should be pursued. I would not require my individuals to be trained in something that would be inappropriate or something that I did not desire them to have further knowledge of. I do not feel that a slave should be allowed to refuse training.

10. Should a slave be allowed to amend or make changes to a contract at any time?

    Lives change, people grow…I feel that as the relationship changes that the foundation of that relationship may need to be updated.

    While I do not feel that the slave should have the right to make irrelevant or inappropriate changes to the contract, I do feel that they should be allowed the right to request the contract be examined and updated as needed.

These questions are just examples and the answers are my opinions alone. If you have an opinion that differs from mine then by all means voice your opinion, we learn by listening to others and gaining in knowledge and understanding.

Remember communication is the smoothest path to understanding.

As with everything this is my opinion, take what you will and leave the rest. If you wish to contact me, my email address is Norisch1@mchsi.com . If you wish to see more of my work you may find a complete listing of all my writings at... http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Norisches_Quill/?yguid=99788111 in the files section.

Norische